Also, here are the schools I attended:
Kindergarten - Year 4 (1998-2002) = St Gertrude's Primary School, Smithfield
Year 5 - Year 6 (2003-2004) = Patrician Brothers' Primary School, Fairfield (now closed)
Year 7 - Year 12 (2005-2010) = Patrician Brothers' College, Fairfield
PRIMARY SCHOOL
1. One time in kindergarten, we were colouring in pictures of Santa Claus. I sat next to a girl called Sophie Havas. Now, I may have been five years old, but I knew what colours are usually associated with Santa. So there I was scribbling away with my red pencil, when Sophie put her hand up and complained, "Miiiiiiiiisssssss, Steven's copying me." IT WAS A FUCKING DRAWING OF SANTA CLAUS. Of course I was going to colour his suit red. From memory, my teacher actually AGREED that I was copying Sophie, and NOT on the basis of factual accuracy. What the hell?
2. My first serious 'teacher crush' was in Year 3, over Miss Pagano (some of you boys and girls may remember her). Anyway, I unwisely told a few people about my crush on her, and it didn't take long for word to spread. One day, during class, Holly Booker and another girl (possibly Taylor Balk) began making mock invitations for a fictitious wedding between Miss Pagano and I. Anyway, the girls stuck one of the invitations to the whiteboard using magnets. I was fuming. I got out of my seat, went up to the board, and snatched the invitation. I ripped it up in front of the whole class, and yelled at the top of my lungs "LEAVE ME ALONE! STOP DOING THIS TO ME!", or something along those lines. My teacher, Miss Kelly, was worried. She looked at me with a sincere, frozen expression and said "Just calm down Steven; calm down." I realise Holly or Taylor may be reading this right now (I have both girls as Facebook friends), and I forgive both of you (but DAMN, you pushed me to the limit that day).
3. I once called my Year 4 teacher a cow, and it was totally by accident. Mr Stewart was an excellent teacher and I would never call him anything except a top bloke. Here's what happened. I wanted to test the gullibility of my best friend, Dean Pisani. Mr Stewart had left the room, and I tapped Dean on the shoulder, shouting "Look, a cow!" At the same time, I pointed at the door...just as Mr Stewart walked through it. The whole class erupted with laughter. Even I saw the funny side of it, despite blushing heavily. Mr Stewart called me over to his desk, and instead of berating me, he simply asked if I had done the homework. I hadn't, but I got off scot-free.
4. If you follow me on Twitter, you may have heard this one before. Some find it disgusting; others envy me for it. My Year 1 teacher, Miss Green, was an attractive woman (perhaps she still is). She would sit on a chair and read stories to the class, who gathered around her. I forget how this whole thing began, but one day she was telling the class how sore her feet were. She took her shoes off and requested a foot massage from the kids sitting closest to her. She was always wearing stockings, and her feet were never sweating profusely. In fact, a pleasant aroma filled the room whenever she removed her shoes! I became addicted to massaging her feet, and to this day, I have a foot fetish. This is the first time I've revealed this fetish. Don't laugh. Looking back, it's amazing she allowed kids to do that. Stuff like this would never go on in high school.
5. The first and one of the only times I got in trouble at school was in kindergarten. It was lunchtime, and I agreed to a game of hide-and-go-seek with a few of my chums. A few of us chose to hide in the toilets ("No one will look in there!"). Mr De Nobile was on playground duty, and must have known we were causing a ruckus. Either that or he enjoys hanging around primary school toilets. He caught us playing the game, and yelled at us. His yelling voice was EXTREMELY loud and frightening, and I was trembling with fear. If you want to imagine this more vividly, here's a video of Mr De Nobile lecturing at Macquarie University last year.
Sure, he looks friendly there, because he HAD to be. But, could you imagine that man fuming with rage? Not a pretty sight. I digress. Once he caught us, he ordered us to go to the principal's office. The principal, Mr Logue, instructed us to sit on the main verandah, so we were on show to the ENTIRE school. I thought I was a genius by whispering to the others, "Maybe if we put our fingers on our lips, we'll be set free." We tried that. We failed. We also tried putting our hands on our hands...also a failed strategy. I remember returning to class after lunch. My teacher, Miss Clogher, was so disappointed in me.
6. The last time I pissed my pants at school was in Year 4. That's a bit late to be pissing your pants at school, which is why it was so damn embarrassing for me. It was during English groups, and the whole class knew about it. I had to go and get a spare pair of shorts from the office. This is why teachers shouldn't intimidate primary school students about asking to go to the bathroom. I was too scared to ask the teacher (Mr Roger, a substitute). So scared that I preferred to piss myself.
7. My Year 4 class had a mascot, and I created him. His name was Boris. He was a cut-out drawing of a man at a microphone stand. Boris became a part of that class. Mr Stewart even ADDED HIS NAME TO THE CLASS ROLL! It should also be noted that Year 4 was when my popularity peaked. I was the class clown. Everyone loved me.
8. In Year 2, Mrs Scollard taught me a mnemonic device that I could use to remember the colours of the rainbow. ROY G. BIV = Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet.
9. In Year 4, I used the word 'Abo', referring to Aboriginal people. Miss Quinteros intervened, "Don't you EVER use that word again!" That moment has stayed with me.
10. In Year 4, I drew a picture of Santa Claus sitting on the toilet, with a speech bubble coming from his mouth, "Ow, I got a papercut!" I believe my friend Dean also had a role in this drawing. The text in the speech bubble was inspired by Mrs Dundovic's explanation of life in the olden days. She told us that people would sometimes wipe their bottoms with newspaper, and that this would often lead to papercuts. I threw this drawing in the bin and thought nothing of it. Then, Ashton Teoh went to Mrs Dundovic with the drawing in his hands, saying he had found it in his desk (we had those desks that opened up). Dundovic was furious, and she demanded the person who drew it to come forward. I remained tight-lipped. Some kid even dobbed on me: "I thought I saw Steven drawing that." But Dundovic didn't believe the dobber because I had such a great reputation. "Oh, Steven would never draw something like this," she said. The lesson here is "Build a solid reputation."
11. Rainy days in primary school often meant staying indoors during recess and lunch. My Year 2 teacher, Miss De Angelis, would bring out a crate of board games. One of these board games was Junior Scrabble, and I secretly detested that regular "grown-up" Scrabble wasn't available. Do you know how pathetic Junior Scrabble is? You don't? Consider yourself lucky.
12. Winner of the 'Strangest Reason for Getting in Trouble' award goes to me in Year 6, for "drawing a moustache on my own face." I'm not kidding. I was bored, so I drew a moustache on my face. A real curly one—something that'd make Nietzsche proud. When substitute teacher Miss De Leon found out, she called me to her desk. She asked me why I did it, and I can't remember my response. It was probably along the lines of "I thought it would be funny." She then instructed me to "go to Mr Warren's office." She meant "Mr Loy's office," but I suppose it's normal for substitute teachers to mix up first names and surnames. Mr Loy (the principal) made me sit on a seat for the entire lunchtime. I felt like a zoo animal, and could feel the glares of my contemporaries.
13. My kindergarten teacher tried this exercise where she would write a letter of the alphabet on the board, and would get the kids to yell out ANY word they knew beginning with that letter. One day, she wrote the letter 'V' on the board. I called out "Vench". She didn't understand me, so I defined the word: "The things people sit on in parks." Embarrassingly, I thought it was 'vench' rather than 'bench'.
14. In Year 3, everyone in the class had to write a speech. I wrote a speech about how much I disliked my older brother. It was so cheesy, with an opening line like "Step right up; I am selling my brother for free." I was too stupid to realise that "selling my brother for free" is an oxymoron. Anyway, my teacher (Miss Kelly) loved it. She even made me go to another class and recite it.
15. In Year 5, I decided to audition for my school's talent quest. I wasn't confident in singing or playing an instrument, so I decided to tell jokes. Now, I hadn't seen much stand-up comedy at that age, so I wasn't really aware of how comedy 'works'. Not only did I blatantly steal jokes from a joke book I owned. I also WROTE THEM DOWN on palm cards and read them. Essentially, my act was reading from a joke book. Somehow I made it to the final (they MUST have been low on contestants). I remember standing up on stage telling the stolen jokes, which received very few laughs. Oh well, at least I wasn't heckled!
16. Father Jason Camilleri was the parish priest of Our Lady of the Rosary Church when I was in Years 5 and 6. He has since quit the priesthood after starting a family with my Year 9 Religion teacher (true story). Anyway, he had a pet golden retriever called Toby. One day, Father Jason was walking through the playground with Toby, when Toby stopped to do his business. My friend, Erik, dropped a five cent coin in Toby's steaming turd, and dared me to get it out. I was a tightass at the time, so I accepted the dare. I was caught in the act by Mrs O'Neill, who said "What are you doing, you silly boy!?" I was speechless. I mean, what DO you say when you're caught picking up five cents from a pile of dog shit? My punishment was having to clean up the crap.
17. In Year 5, I thought it would be funny to look up the words 'penis' and 'vagina' in the dictionary and show the definitions to my peers. I located the words, and when I made my friends read the definitions, they laughed. My teacher, Mrs Orlando, called me over to her desk and asked me to tell her the word/s I looked up. Of course, I was too embarrassed to tell the truth, so I thought of something a ten year-old might find funny. I said I looked up 'fat'. Looking back, this was a stupid word to pick. There's nothing remotely funny about the definition of 'fat'. A ten year-old might laugh at someone for BEING fat, but the definition alone is not enough to elicit laughter. Mrs Orlando knew I was lying. She said "I don't think that was the word," almost in a passive-aggressive tone, before sending me back to my seat.
18. I believe the following happened when I was in Year 3. It was around the time that you could get those Digimon holograms in chip packets. There was this kid called Anthony Obeid. The two of us had a Frigimon hologram. For some reason, I asked if I could swap my one for his one, all in the name of fun. It wasn't long until I realised that his had a scratch on it. Being a neat freak (which I still am), I couldn't stand this, so I asked to have my original one back, which was in mint condition. The bastard wouldn't give it back. I tried chasing him around the paddock (the grass area next to the church across from my primary school). I caught him, but couldn't retrieve the hologram. It crushed me. I went home and even cried about it. I never got it back.
19. One time at St Gertrude's, there was a family picnic day. My friend Dean had just poured himself a cup of Fanta, and I thought it would be hilarious to drop a chip into his drink when he wasn't looking. When he saw the chip, he was furious, and held a grudge against me for the rest of lunch.
20. OK, this last primary school memory doesn't directly involve me, but it's something I witnessed. Remember how I said my Year 4 teacher, Mr Stewart, was a top bloke? Well, that was if you were on his good side. To piss him off was to make a huge mistake. Ashton Teoh found this out the hard way. Ashton was being a nuisance in some way or another, and Mr Stewart just snapped. He picked up Ashton's [open] pencil case and flung it out the window, leaving it to crash on the footpath outside the school. There was stationery all over the place. Bear in mind, my Year 4 classroom was pretty high above ground level.
HIGH SCHOOL
1. My teacher for Year 8 Italian was Miss Naso. She was attractive and I was a 13 year-old boy raging with hormones. I would often stare into space and fantasise about her. One day, I shared one of these fantasies with Phil Nguyen, who was sitting next to me. I whispered to Phil, "Imagine if she was on playground duty in a bikini." Miss Naso heard me, and I consider myself lucky that my only punishment was a shake of her head and a death stare.
2. Christian Hernandez once threw an apple across the Year 12 quadrangle and it struck me right in the temple. I can't even begin to tell you how much that pissed me off.
3. During Year 11, I decided to get involved in a program offered by my local newspaper, the Fairfield Champion. I would be able to write articles about my school and potentially get them published in the paper. As part of this program, I had to attend an information day at Prairiewood High School. Miss Ferreira, who coordinated the program, drove me, Reggie Teagle and John Giang-Nguyen to the info day. On the way back, Miss Ferreira kindly insisted on buying us lunch at McDonald's. We stopped at Fairfield McDonald's, when Reggie suddenly spotted Parramatta Eels prop Fuifui Moimoi shovelling leaves or something outside his apartment. He was shirtless, and had worked up quite a sweat. Reggie approached Fuifui as if he'd known him for years (maybe he had). Being a massive Parramatta fan, I was absolutely starstruck. Fuifui was so laid back, and allowed us to take photos with him. I took my place next to him, as John snapped a photo on Reggie's phone. You'll notice I have my eyes closed. That's because John didn't give me a countdown for when I should smile.
14. In Year 3, everyone in the class had to write a speech. I wrote a speech about how much I disliked my older brother. It was so cheesy, with an opening line like "Step right up; I am selling my brother for free." I was too stupid to realise that "selling my brother for free" is an oxymoron. Anyway, my teacher (Miss Kelly) loved it. She even made me go to another class and recite it.
15. In Year 5, I decided to audition for my school's talent quest. I wasn't confident in singing or playing an instrument, so I decided to tell jokes. Now, I hadn't seen much stand-up comedy at that age, so I wasn't really aware of how comedy 'works'. Not only did I blatantly steal jokes from a joke book I owned. I also WROTE THEM DOWN on palm cards and read them. Essentially, my act was reading from a joke book. Somehow I made it to the final (they MUST have been low on contestants). I remember standing up on stage telling the stolen jokes, which received very few laughs. Oh well, at least I wasn't heckled!
16. Father Jason Camilleri was the parish priest of Our Lady of the Rosary Church when I was in Years 5 and 6. He has since quit the priesthood after starting a family with my Year 9 Religion teacher (true story). Anyway, he had a pet golden retriever called Toby. One day, Father Jason was walking through the playground with Toby, when Toby stopped to do his business. My friend, Erik, dropped a five cent coin in Toby's steaming turd, and dared me to get it out. I was a tightass at the time, so I accepted the dare. I was caught in the act by Mrs O'Neill, who said "What are you doing, you silly boy!?" I was speechless. I mean, what DO you say when you're caught picking up five cents from a pile of dog shit? My punishment was having to clean up the crap.
17. In Year 5, I thought it would be funny to look up the words 'penis' and 'vagina' in the dictionary and show the definitions to my peers. I located the words, and when I made my friends read the definitions, they laughed. My teacher, Mrs Orlando, called me over to her desk and asked me to tell her the word/s I looked up. Of course, I was too embarrassed to tell the truth, so I thought of something a ten year-old might find funny. I said I looked up 'fat'. Looking back, this was a stupid word to pick. There's nothing remotely funny about the definition of 'fat'. A ten year-old might laugh at someone for BEING fat, but the definition alone is not enough to elicit laughter. Mrs Orlando knew I was lying. She said "I don't think that was the word," almost in a passive-aggressive tone, before sending me back to my seat.
18. I believe the following happened when I was in Year 3. It was around the time that you could get those Digimon holograms in chip packets. There was this kid called Anthony Obeid. The two of us had a Frigimon hologram. For some reason, I asked if I could swap my one for his one, all in the name of fun. It wasn't long until I realised that his had a scratch on it. Being a neat freak (which I still am), I couldn't stand this, so I asked to have my original one back, which was in mint condition. The bastard wouldn't give it back. I tried chasing him around the paddock (the grass area next to the church across from my primary school). I caught him, but couldn't retrieve the hologram. It crushed me. I went home and even cried about it. I never got it back.
19. One time at St Gertrude's, there was a family picnic day. My friend Dean had just poured himself a cup of Fanta, and I thought it would be hilarious to drop a chip into his drink when he wasn't looking. When he saw the chip, he was furious, and held a grudge against me for the rest of lunch.
20. OK, this last primary school memory doesn't directly involve me, but it's something I witnessed. Remember how I said my Year 4 teacher, Mr Stewart, was a top bloke? Well, that was if you were on his good side. To piss him off was to make a huge mistake. Ashton Teoh found this out the hard way. Ashton was being a nuisance in some way or another, and Mr Stewart just snapped. He picked up Ashton's [open] pencil case and flung it out the window, leaving it to crash on the footpath outside the school. There was stationery all over the place. Bear in mind, my Year 4 classroom was pretty high above ground level.
HIGH SCHOOL
1. My teacher for Year 8 Italian was Miss Naso. She was attractive and I was a 13 year-old boy raging with hormones. I would often stare into space and fantasise about her. One day, I shared one of these fantasies with Phil Nguyen, who was sitting next to me. I whispered to Phil, "Imagine if she was on playground duty in a bikini." Miss Naso heard me, and I consider myself lucky that my only punishment was a shake of her head and a death stare.
2. Christian Hernandez once threw an apple across the Year 12 quadrangle and it struck me right in the temple. I can't even begin to tell you how much that pissed me off.
3. During Year 11, I decided to get involved in a program offered by my local newspaper, the Fairfield Champion. I would be able to write articles about my school and potentially get them published in the paper. As part of this program, I had to attend an information day at Prairiewood High School. Miss Ferreira, who coordinated the program, drove me, Reggie Teagle and John Giang-Nguyen to the info day. On the way back, Miss Ferreira kindly insisted on buying us lunch at McDonald's. We stopped at Fairfield McDonald's, when Reggie suddenly spotted Parramatta Eels prop Fuifui Moimoi shovelling leaves or something outside his apartment. He was shirtless, and had worked up quite a sweat. Reggie approached Fuifui as if he'd known him for years (maybe he had). Being a massive Parramatta fan, I was absolutely starstruck. Fuifui was so laid back, and allowed us to take photos with him. I took my place next to him, as John snapped a photo on Reggie's phone. You'll notice I have my eyes closed. That's because John didn't give me a countdown for when I should smile.
But here's the funny part. When Reggie told Fuifui that we were with a teacher, Fuifui asked if our teacher was a female, and if she was hot. She was. Fuifui then wrote down his mobile number on a piece of scrap paper, gave it to Reggie, and said "Give this to your teacher. Tell her Fuifui wants to speak to you." We got back to the car, and Reggie gave the phone number to Miss Ferreira. Ferreira declined, as she was in a relationship, or perhaps just didn't appreciate random advances from strangers...even famous ones.
3. During Year 10, my English teacher (Ms Durand) suggested I should pick English Extension 1 as an elective for Year 11. I appreciated her recommendation, but I thought that picking that subject would burden me with too much stress. Sure, I was good at English, but that didn't equate to enjoying the study of English as it is administered by the Board of Studies. I was expected to pick the subject, and that annoyed me. I never picked it. One afternoon in Year 12, my Advanced English teacher, Miss Lowing, stopped me as I was walking out of her classroom. She asked me "Steven, why didn't you pick Extension?" I responded with a half-truth, "I didn't think I'd be good enough for it." She gave me a bewildered look and said, "It was made for people like you." I smiled awkwardly, before heading to my final period, where I reflected on what she said, and it made me feel like a heap of shit because I'd failed to live up to her expectations.
4. Again, this is something I witnessed. My Year 7 homeroom teachers were Mr Muller and Mr Byrne. I also had Mr Byrne for Science (he was the COOLEST). Mr Byrne got married and went on leave for his honeymoon. When he returned from his honeymoon and walked into the classroom, Patrick Osman (a student) shouted "SIR GOT LAID!" The class erupted with laughter, before Mr Byrne said "Hey! Don't say that!"
5. Every Modern History class I had with Mr Bobin was hilarious. The great thing about Bobin is that he knew the majority of students hated school, and that learning in a quiet classroom was often very boring. So, he'd allow us to talk among ourselves, but he'd find a way to teach us the content, too. The thing is...the conversation topic was always something that teachers and students shouldn't be talking about. Bobin told us about his sexual encounters, experiences with alcohol, and he even hinted at grievances he had with other staff members. Only 10% of the lesson involved actual learning. I thought this deserved its own entry, because it was a highly enjoyable class to go to.
6. Mr Clark was one of the best substitute teachers I ever had during high school. Maybe THE best. He was extremely crude, but so likeable. It was Melbourne Cup day in 2005, and I had him for Geography (I think). Anyway, no one was doing the set work, and somehow or another, Mr Clark started randomly musing. He said one thing that I'll always remember. He told us, "One day, we'll all have to be burned when we die, because there'll be no space left for us to be buried."
7. We were playing cricket one time in Year 7, and the ball fired off Alan Truong's bat and struck me straight in the cheekbone. It hurt. A lot. Luckily, it wasn't a real cricket ball, but one of those hard rubber ones. Still, those things fucking hurt. I went to hospital to make sure everything was fine, and it was...and we all lived happily ever after.
8. It was Year 7, and I was playing t-ball for sport on a Thursday afternoon. It was my turn to swing the bat, and because I was rather uncoordinated that day, I couldn't hit the ball off the tee. After my seventh swing, I still hadn't hit the ball, and was subsequently made to sit down. What made it especially frustrating was the fact that Christian Hernandez was screaming out "UNCO!" every time I missed the ball.
9. The Liturgy of the Light at my Year 11 Retreat ranks among the most meaningful moments of my life. To cut a long story short, everyone in my cohort was seated in a room lit only by candles. We had the opportunity to mark the foreheads of past enemies with ashes, as a sign of forgiveness (remember...I went to a Catholic school). We could also mark the foreheads of people who had significantly impacted us in a positive way. The room was charged with an emotional electricity, and many people, including myself, let tears flow. I have written more about this night in the following post: (http://savona93.blogspot.com.au/2010/10/commemoration-of-one-year-anniversary.html#).
10. The following is something I've been wanting to get off my chest ever since 2009, but have never had the balls to say it, which is a sad reflection on society. It concerns something that happened at the retreat mentioned in the previous entry. There was this activity where six sheets of paper were stuck on the walls around the room. Each piece of paper had one of the following written on it: +3, +2, +1, -1, -2, -3. A statement would be voiced, and students had to stand near the number that corresponded with their opinion on that statement. The positive numbers stood for 'not sure but probably', 'agree' and 'strongly agree'. The negative numbers stood for 'not sure but not likely', 'disagree' and 'strongly disagree'. So, if the statement was "I love pizza", I would, without hesitation, run over to +3. If it was "Animal cruelty is acceptable," I'd go straight to -3. OK, got it? Well, the teachers who ran this activity should be ashamed of themselves. They manipulated students, removing them from their comfort zones so they could peck at their emotional wounds. I believe they started with innocent, playful statements, before moving on to something personal like "I get along with my parents." At the completion of every round, one kid would be picked from each group to explain their position. Could you imagine being the kid who was picked to explain their rough home life? Anyway, it was the last question that REALLY pissed me off, and that inspired this entry on the list. The statement was "I know there is a god." The majority of kids flocked to either +3 or +2 (I suspect a large percentage of them were lying). I went to +1, indicating I wasn't sure, but that I think it's likely. Now, that was merely a front. If I was answering honestly, I would have went to -2. Guys, I am an atheist. A fair few of you would know this by now, although I don't think I've ever declared it like I did in that previous sentence. Back to the story: only two students stood next to -3, declaring they were certain there is no god. I have so much respect for what they did. They knew people would give them crap for it. You could get bullied for being an atheist at my school. One of the kids, Robert Kern, was asked to explain his position. He said he does not believe because there is no proof, and that he has to see to believe. This is also my reason for not believing. A teacher, Miss McVeigh, then said one of the most disrespectful things I have ever heard muttered from a human mouth. She said "Robert, did you have a great grandmother?" Robert replied, "Yes." McVeigh then retorted "Have you ever seen her?" "No," replied Robert. Then, McVeigh had the audacity to say "Well how do you know she existed?" What an ignorant, offensive argument. If I were Robert, I would have walked out of the room, returned to my cabin, and not cooperated for the rest of the retreat. What made it worse is that McVeigh's comments were APPLAUDED by most of the students, while I was seething with rage, internally.
11. My Year 11 Visual Arts teacher was Miss Kalianiotis. She was one of my favourites. Knowledgeable, approachable, and I had a crush on her. It wasn't just because of her looks; I was attracted to her mind, too. When I told a witty joke, she'd be the only one in the class who got it, and she understood that I liked conceptual art, and was happy to nurture this love of mine. As a thank you gift, my class decided we'd chip in $5 each to buy her something. I think the gift was a voucher for a manicure. pedicure, or something like that. Aforementioned atheist Robert Kern, Domenic Leonello and I were the ones who presented her with the gift. We went to her homeroom one morning to surprise her, and she was moved by the gesture—so much that she cried. Then, the unexpected happened. The three of us received a kiss on the cheek. I remember bragging to my friends at recess, and I remember their jealousy. But here's the weird part. That night, lying in bed, I had to convince myself that it even happened. I closed my eyes and seriously pondered if she kissed my cheek or not. I guess the fact that it happened so quickly is what made me second-guess its occurrence. Oh, and on a tragic side note, I requested to add Miss Kalianiotis as a Facebook friend a few weeks before school was over, and she not only declined...but blocked me. Oh well, I've moved on (probably).
12. It was Year 8 Design and Technology (D&T). My teacher, Mr Fellows, was out of the workshop. I thought it would be cool to get a piece of acrylic sheet, clamp it in a vice, and snap it in half by kicking it. Aaron Tarasiewicz also joined me. I split one piece in half, and didn't get caught. Aaron, however, was unlucky enough to be kicking the acrylic just as Mr Fellows walked back into the workship. When Fellows raised his voice, it was scary (even scarier than Mr De Nobile at St Gertrude's). Poor Aaron copped the full brunt of Fellows' vocal cords, while I stood by tight-lipped like an asshole, refusing to own up as his accomplice. I felt like a bad person that day.
13. I had Mr Fry Jr. as a homeroom teacher in Years 9 and 10. Fry Jr. had a bad habit of dismissing the WHOLE class late because ONE kid was misbehaving. This was unfortunate for me, as my afternoon school bus would always be the first one to arrive at the college. When the last bell rang for everyone to go home, you could count on bus 9512 to be outside the school already. I missed my bus a few times because of Fry Jr's inept efforts to discipline students. I told my mum about this, and she was fed up...so fed up that she confronted Fry Jr. at my parent-teacher interview night, despite the fact I didn't have him as a subject teacher. After that night, Fry Jr changed his attitude completely. He would be stricter with students, and even threw in lines like "Some people need to catch buses, and you're holding them up!" I found it hilarious, and if he wasn't doing his job properly, I'd sometimes wave my bus pass around to torture him in a passive-aggressive way.
14. One time in Year 8, Phil Nguyen and I were calling each other names via email, just as a joke. We were on the library computers and we were using our school email accounts [stupidly]. Suddenly, the courier came through the door with a message: "Can Steven Savona and Phil Nguyen see Mr McFarlane in his office." Mr McFarlane was the I.T. coordinator. We knew we were in deep shit. We got down to his office, and McFarlane essentially told us in a cold, stern voice "I can see everything you do on these computers," "I saw those emails," etc. He let us go with a warning, but boy was that tense!
15. One afternoon, my Year 9 Italian class had Miss Kim as a substitute. She stopped the lesson halfway through, saying her purse had gone missing. She accused one of the students of stealing it. All of us sincerely denied these allegations. The assistant principal was called up, and wanted to ask individual students if they had witnessed the purse being stolen. None of us saw anything. When our regular teacher, Mrs Strazzeri, came back, she was furious with what happened. She wasn't angry with me and the other students. She was angry with Miss Kim for consuming so much lesson time. The truth is...no one stole Miss Kim's purse. Miss Kim didn't even bring her purse to school that day. She left it at home. I think she was fired after that.
16. In Year 12, I participated in the 40-Hour Famine sleepover on a Friday night at my school. I was having an enjoyable night until I split my head open. No, really. I was sitting up in the loft area of the school hall, when a soccer ball from down below came towards me. It wasn't travelling at speed, but I did have to contort my body to catch it. I leaned back a bit too far, and my head collided with the concrete step behind me. I hurt, but I thought nothing of it. Then, the person next to me said "Hey Steven, you're bleeding." Some teachers were called over, and they were really nice and caring, helping me clean up the blood. I didn't require stitches, so that was good.
17. One time in Year 10 English, a student (I believe it was Kresimir Kardum) declared "Gays aren't men." My teacher, Ms Durand, took great offence to this, and spontaneously asked everyone in the class to take out a piece of paper and answer the question "Are homosexuals men?" in a line or two. To the best of my memory, I responded "Homosexuals are men, because they have male genitalia."
18. My first ever true camping experience took place at my Year 9 camp. I had to spend one night in a tent, and the other night in a cabin. The night in the tent was somewhat unsettling. I shared the tent with my friend, Lucas Maganja. It was cold outside, and we could hear noises. We could see shadows on the tent walls, and the sound of footsteps indicated a human presence. Lucas put his head up to the tent's window and said "Fuck off, Ryan!" Ryan Ainley was a student who was notorious for being a pest. The person outside the tent wasn't a student at all. It was a teacher on supervision...Mr Dinh. It's rare that you accidentally tell a teacher to get fucked, but that's what Lucas did.
19. One time in Year 12, I had Mr Simonian as a substitute teacher for Studies of Religion. When the lesson was over, Roger Le could not get out of his seat. He raised his hand. "Sir, I can't get up." Mr Simonian: "What do you mean you can't get up?" Roger Le literally could not stand up, and Mr Simonian was angry that Roger waited until the end of the lesson to tell him. I never found out why Roger could not stand up that day.
20. I was unsure about whether I should include this one, but I've decided to go ahead with it. When I was in Year 12, former Australian PM John Howard visited my school as part of Leadership Day. Initially, he was supposed to address the College executive, the College prefects and the entire Year 12 cohort. This was changed at the last minute to only include the first two groups. This caused a HUGE shitstorm, especially when it was revealed that Year 12 could not be trusted to display good behaviour in the presence of the former PM. When the executive and prefects were listening to Howard, the rest of Year 12 partook in a softcore riot. Some students even walked out of the school. I can't go into detail about what happened during this recess, as I was listening to Howard speak (can't remember a single thing he said). This whole event spiralled out of control, and it created feuds among students, and also impacted on student-teacher relations. It became infamously known as Howardgate.
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