February 2014 Film Wrap-Up

FEBRUARY 2

 

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (Stephen Herek, 1989) = 1.5/5

You mean Bill & Ted's Cringeworthy Adventure? This is not so much a film as it is a series of unfunny, outdated vignettes. This is so light it doesn't even cast a shadow. The overuse of words such as dude and excellent just killed me. This appears to be a hybrid of Back to the Future and Wayne's World, but unfortunately it isn't half as good as either of those films. I don't understand why the movie has a cult following.

FEBRUARY 3

Jack Goes Boating (Philip Seymour Hoffman, 2010) = 3.5/5

Philip Seymour Hoffman's sole directorial effort is a quiet film that may not stay in your memory, but will certainly not disappoint. Its treatment of human relationships is incredibly mature, and the film just looks fantastic. This film convinced me that we didn't just lose a great actor in Mr. Hoffman, but a great director, too. It's extremely sad that he'll never be able to expand on this respectable work. Vale, you wonderful man.

FEBRUARY 4

Monster (Patty Jenkins, 2003) = 4.5/5

A brutal, immensely absorbing film that wants us to understand its protagonist and wisely avoids painting her as a caricature of evil. Jenkins respects the audience and their prudence to make a judgement about the events portrayed. Theron gives the performance of her life, surrendering every ounce of her being to make Aileen Wuornos uncomfortably real.

FEBRUARY 5

Monsieur Lazhar (Philippe Falardeau, 2011) = 4/5

The film's simple structure and natural dialogue is what makes it so compelling. A quiet exploration of the politics of grief. I've always loved films set primarily in schools, especially character studies of teachers. The overlap between a teacher's personal and professional life always makes for compelling viewing. I think this stems from my own curiosities when I was a high school student. I would always wonder what each teacher goes home to, and what private mental preoccupations they would bring to school each morning. 

FEBRUARY 6

 

(500) Days of Summer (Marc Webb, 2009) = 4/5

This was my second viewing, and I upped my rating by half a star. I first watched the film when I was in high school, and I thought it was good without being great. I liked its atmosphere and it appealed to my pathos in a beautiful way, but I was annoyed by its forced quirkiness and self-indulgence.

I felt compelled to rewatch this because, over the past year, I've fallen for a girl who is very much like Summer in this film. She doesn't love me back. I mean, I haven't told her how I feel, but if the feeling was mutual, something would have happened by now. I expected to win this girl over because we share some interests, but like this film argues, romanticising trivial commonalities and coincidences is not healthy.

My personal experience allowed me to enjoy this film a whole lot more this time. Scenes that I first thought pretentious are ones I now find endearing and moving. I'm still not a big fan of the ending, but where it counts, this film treats love for what it really is: the cause of and solution to all of life's problems.

FEBRUARY 7

Vanilla Sky (Cameron Crowe, 2001) = 4.5/5

A rare film where incomprehensibility is a virtue. It's a profound viewing experience with a myriad of layers. We have several genres at play here: fantasy, mystery, romance, drama, sci-fi, and thriller (with a dash of comedy). What's remarkable is how Crowe doesn't adhere to strict genre conventions, allowing the characters to revel in a haunting odyssey that is never over until the end credits roll.

FEBRUARY 9

Back to the Future Part II (Robert Zemeckis, 1989) = 3.5/5

It's not as emotionally involving as the first, and it's too convoluted to truly love, but it's still a fun flick with captivating special effects. Remember that I'm still fairly new to the BTTF films. I LOVED the first film, and I am yet to watch the third and final instalment. 

FEBRUARY 10

Empire Records (Allan Moyle, 1995) = 3/5

I may not remember it in a month, but for 90 minutes, I was entertained. Good-spirited with likeable characters and a killer soundtrack.

FEBRUARY 12

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (Shane Black, 2005) = 4/5

This is a delightful concoction of genres that strikes a perfect balance between comedy and thrills. Robert Downey, Jr. is in top form, and his chemistry with Val Kilmer is just delightful. As you would know, I very rarely watch action films. I did not mind the action sequences in this film because I was deeply invested in the characters caught in the middle of them, and thoroughly engrossed in the story.

FEBRUARY 13

The Wolf of Wall Street (Martin Scorsese, 2013) = 5/5

I was surprised by how much I loved this. The film revels in excess but somehow it never felt gratuitous to me. The characterisation of Belfort is ingenious. We hate the character but DiCaprio pours so much energy into the role that we inevitably see the world through his eyes. Scorsese's direction is impeccable, and unlike others, I don't think the running time is too lengthy. Like all great black comedies, it makes you feel guilty for finding it hilarious. Most of all, I was surprised at the tinge of sadness it carried throughout. Watching this megalomaniac cruise through life with all these delusions...it's so miserable to watch. 

FEBRUARY 14

Deep Red (Dario Argento, 1975) = 3.5/5

As with other giallo films, it is tough to penetrate. However, the script is surprisingly coherent. As expected, it was beautifully shot with a hypnotic score by Goblin. This was only my second Argento film, following Suspiria. As a major horror enthusiast, I want to love his films so badly. Unfortunately, the best I can do is like them.

FEBRUARY 15

The Goonies (Richard Donner, 1985) = 3.5/5

It hasn't aged terribly well, and maybe I'd need to be a child of the 80s to truly love it, but it made me feel like a kid again. For an adventure film that doesn't cover *that* much distance, it felt like quite a journey.

FEBRUARY 16

 Chasing Amy (Kevin Smith, 1997) = 4.5/5

An entertaining and touching film exploring the intricacies of love, attraction and friendship. Unlike many films about messy relationships, it argues that we can learn from our mistakes rather than let them destroy us. Ben Affleck and Joey Lauren Adams are painfully convincing in their roles, and Jason Lee is side-splittingly hilarious whenever he opens his mouth.

FEBRUARY 18

12 Years a Slave (Steve McQueen, 2013) = 4.5/5

This may be McQueen's most conventional film to date. I definitely found Hunger and Shame to be more rewarding as viewing experiences. However, the man's talent behind a camera cannot be denied. Watching this film is a visceral, uncomfortable experience. But you have to think about why it makes you uncomfortable, and then count your blessings. I'm definitely not complaining about its Best Picture win at this year's Oscars. 

FEBRUARY 20

Halloween III: Season of the Witch (Tommy Lee Wallace, 1982) = 0.5/5

Not only is it not scary, but it doesn't even have the decency to be campy fun. If not for its title, I wouldn't have the slightest clue this belonged to the Halloween franchise. I knew Michael Myers wasn't in it, but I still wasn't prepared for how bad it would be. It's essentially a sci-fi film, with some moments of [attempted] suspense that lend it the atmosphere of a horror film. Unspeakably weird. Such a mess. If you get any trick-or-treaters, you would have to be one mean bastard to give them this movie instead of candy.

FEBRUARY 21

Drinking Buddies (Joe Swanberg, 2013) = 4/5

I went to the Golden Age Cinema at Surry Hills one Friday night last month. I had never been there before, and I originally intended to see this film back-to-back with David Lynch's Mulholland Drive. Due to some circumstances, I could only watch Drinking Buddies, which was first on the schedule. I wasn't expecting a lot from it, and I was mainly interested in the film because it stars Anna Kendrick, my number one celebrity crush. 

Oh man, don't let the generic poster fool you! This film is a treat. Each character feels painfully real, and we switch our allegiances multiple times throughout the film because no one is perfect. It is directed with an intimacy that makes the viewer feel like an eavesdropper. I laughed a lot, and although I think it was capable of a better ending, I left the cinema feeling warm inside. This is a picture John Cassavetes would've been proud of.

In retrospect, I'm glad I didn't watch Mulholland Drive afterwards. I wouldn't be able to focus on it because Drinking Buddies had such a profound impact on me. I thought about it for days afterwards, and I was oh so close to upping my rating to 4.5. Alas, I have decided I am comfortable with my 4. However, this film is a reminder that a film's true worth lies not in its star rating, but in the way it nestles in your heart, mind and soul once it is over. Please make an effort to see this one.

FEBRUARY 23

Don Jon (Joseph Gordon-Levitt, 2013) = 3/5

I admire its stylistic choices, but its characters just aren't enigmatic enough and border on archetypal. The shift from comedic scenes to dramatic scenes was too heavy-handed, and the pacing was a bit awkward. I just think it needed a longer runtime to flesh out its story. Like a pornographic video, it leaves you feeling mildly satisfied but ultimately with a craving for something more fulfilling. That said, I am very intrigued to see Gordon-Levitt grow as a director. There's enough promise here to suggest he'll make some great films in the future.

FEBRUARY 26

Martha Marcy May Marlene (Sean Durkin, 2011) = 3.5/5

It deserves praise for never surrendering its unsettling atmosphere, but structurally, it gets a little boring. It wants so badly to be a mood piece, but it winds up feeling repetitive. The ambiguity felt so forced in the final act. Its main strength is the chilling performance by Elizabeth Olsen.

FEBRUARY 27

Risky Business (Paul Brickman, 1983) = 3/5

There are some great individual scenes, but it hasn't aged well and there's nothing to cling to, emotionally. It's a testosterone-fuelled fantasy. 

FEBRUARY 28

Nebraska (Alexander Payne, 2013) = 5/5

This film confirms that Alexander Payne is still one of the greatest directors working today. His films are like comfort food—slices of freshly-baked apple pie with a side of ice cream. Nebraska engrossed me from start to finish without any extravagant gimmicks. We embark on the journey with as much curiosity as the film's protagonist. It is touching without being emotionally manipulative, and funny without resorting to obvious gags. It is a picture made with genuine human warmth, and you owe it to yourself to see it.

In Summary - The Must-See Films (4.5 or 5 Stars)

* Monster

* Vanilla Sky

* The Wolf of Wall Street

* Chasing Amy

* 12 Years a Slave

* Nebraska

5 Perfectly Innocent Things That Scare Me for Ridiculous Reasons

First of all, I realise this post is incredibly soft and it makes me ashamed to say I studied journalism at university. A lot has been going on in my personal life as of late, and as a result, I have lost my morale to write serious pieces. I thought I'd write something very casual to ease back into writing. That said, I will not slacken off in regards to my writing quality. The topic may be garbage, but I hope my flair shines through.

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I am scared of death because I imagine it will be eternal nothingness. Cockroaches scare me because they fly. Heights don't always scare me, but when they do, it's because I'm picturing myself plummeting to my death, and now we're back at square one. Death, cockroaches, and heights: many people would list these among their top fears. But then there are other things that give me the creeps—things that would not affect the average person. It would take intensive Freudian psychoanalysis to discover why I find these things scary. I should note that these things do not impact me in the same way my major, aforementioned fears do. My major fears usually elicit a physiological response from me. Thinking about death literally makes me shudder, and seeing a cockroach on the ceiling of my room makes me break out in a sweat. My obscure fears, on the other hand, just make me feel general unease. If you share any of these "fears", let me know, and we can start a support group or something.

5. Confession Booths

 

When I was seven years old, I had to have my Sacrament of Reconciliation. That was just one of the things I had to do as a student at a Catholic school. At that age, I had no idea confession booths even existed, and my Reconciliation was a face-to-face interaction with a priest. It went smoothly. Eventually, I began watching American movies that contained confession scenes, and I noticed they all took place in this dark booth. The idea of it terrified me. I know what you're thinking, but it has nothing to do with the possibility of molestation. When I was a kid, the idea that a priest would do something of that nature was unfathomable.

It just looks like a miserable setting to me. Sinners go in and fill the booth with their deepest shames, and the priest regurgitates a list of prayers for him or her to say. A partition separates the two of you, preventing the moment from becoming too real. A confession booth is not a place of happiness. It's also the darkness and crammed space of the structure. I have never been in one, but I imagine it would feel rather uncomfortable and more intimate than is necessary.

4. The Album Art for Radiohead's The Bends

 

What is this? A CPR dummy receiving fellatio? It looks like a still from a David Lynch film, or maybe from Harmony Korine's Trash Humpers. I think the scariest part is how lifelike this inanimate object is. I mean, you can tell it's a dummy, but the colour in its cheeks makes it look very human. If this picture were taken on a fancy camera and had a polished look to it, it would not be as unsettling. It would still be weird, but not downright creepy. Stanley Donwood is the man responsible for this cover. He has designed all of Radiohead's album covers from The Bends onwards, and this cold visage is a far cry from the vibrant colour-fest that is In Rainbows. Donwood found this mannequin and filmed it on an old-fashioned video camera with a video cassette in it.

What makes it even scarier is that it's for a Radiohead album. If an artist like Katy Perry used this for an album cover, it would be seen as a shift in her artistic vision. But this is a Radiohead record. It only confirms the dark hopelessness that many of their songs conjure up. How fitting that the final track on The Bends is Street Spirit (Fade Out), a song which Thom Yorke described as "the dark tunnel without the light at the end."

3. The Cough at the Beginning of Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here

Wish You Were Here is a fantastic song, right? Well, once its intro is over...yes. David Gilmour performed the intro on a twelve-string guitar, and the riff almost lulls the listener into a tranquil trance. Indeed, it was mixed so that the listener would feel like they are hearing the song over a car radio. It's all very relaxing until we hear *BLERGH*, as though an elephant is sneezing. But that's no elephant. That's David Gilmour. Skip to 0:43 in the above video to hear it. It's not really a sneeze, but it's not quite a cough either. It sounds like a demonic growl, and it's as freaky as hell because we don't expect it. I mean, it's not every day you hear a cough in a song. Heck, even Simon & Garfunkel's Voices of Old People avoids it.

It's still debated whether the cough was intentional or involuntary. One theory posits that it was deliberate, supposed to add to the effect of a man listening to the radio and playing along with his guitar. Then there's the story that Gilmour, a heavy smoker at the time, heard his cough (and subsequent sniffles) in the final recording and decided to kick the habit for good. No matter the reason for its presence, it will always give me chills.

2. Crumpets

I love eating crumpets, but looking at them is a different story. Heck, just doing the Google Image search to obtain a picture for this blog post made me uncomfortable. When you go to a cafe and order crumpets, it should be common courtesy for the waitstaff to offer complimentary blindfolds. You know what else I hate? Wasp nests, and not simply because they house wasps that can sting the fuck out of you. What do crumpets and wasp nests have in common? HOLES. CLUSTERS OF TINY HOLES. I was browsing the Internet one night and was relieved to discover that many people around the world share this fear. There's even a term for it, although it's not formally recognised in the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. It's called trypophobia, derived from trypo, Greek for "punching, drilling, or boring holes." Sponges, coral, and lotus seed heads are other things that repulse someone with trypophobia.

If you have synesthesia, your sensory experiences will overlap, or the stimulation of one cognitive pathway may trigger an involuntary experience in another cognitive pathway. You may think of the colour yellow when you hear the number 6, for example. In trying to explain my trypophobia to others, I compare it to synesthesia. When I see the holes, I feel them, too. It's very hard to explain, though. The simplest way of putting it is that small holes clustered together are just disgusting. If you can make it through this BuzzFeed article without squirming, congratulations...you do not have trypophobia.  

1. Wollstonecraft Railway Station, Sydney 

 

In 2013, I undertook two internships at SBS. Their headquarters are located at Artarmon, meaning I would have to catch a train on the North Shore line—a rare occurrence for me. My stop was St Leonards, a very urbanised station. But right before (or after, depending on your direction) St Leonards lies Wollstonecraft Station. Now, this is a very peaceful station and it doesn't look the slightest bit dangerous. The first time I passed it was just like any other routine stoppage. But I distinctly remember the moment that changed everything. Night had fallen and I was on my way home. My train pulled in at Wollstonecraft, and my eyes immediately darted to a woman sitting by herself reading a book. The station has a sheltered brick seating area, and this woman was the only person inside. She looked to be in her mid-20s and she was dressed entirely in black. A yellowish light above her cast a ghastly glow in her vicinity, almost shrouding her in an aura. This woman was a mystery. Who knows if she was waiting for a train? Maybe she goes there every night to read. I couldn't look away. It was an image of perfect symmetry, but it gave me the creeps. 

From that point on, whether morning or night, I would feel uneasy when my train pulled in at Wollstonecraft. I felt as though that woman was hiding in the wings, as though she lived within the station's walls. It was like something out of mythology. When my train got to Waverton, I knew Wollstonecraft was only one stop away, and I would feel a sick sense of anticipation build in my gut. The platform is located on a sharp 200-metre curve, and I always had these Final Destination-esque premonitions of my train's derailment. The signage at Wollstonecraft also creeps me out. See that large metal sign in the picture above? There's ANOTHER one of those at the other end of the station, and because of their size, I imagine the station developing its own voice, shouting "YOU'RE AT WOLLSTONECRAFT! MUHAHAHAHA!" Lastly, 'Wollstonecraft' was the middle name of Mary Shelley, who of course penned the Gothic novel Frankenstein. Fuck, this station is just too damn ominous.   

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If you enjoyed reading this, check out this post from 2012 where I listed a heap of my other fears, both major and obscure.

January 2014 Film Wrap-Up

First of all, two things:

1. I only watched 14 films last month, which is a fairly low number for me. The main reason for this is that I was a slave to tennis (most notably the Australian Open) for the majority of the month.

2. In last month's wrap-up post, I vowed I would have finished Woody Allen's entire filmography by now. Sorry to let you guys down, but I'm still not there. Let's just say watching You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger was a huge blow to my morale.

JANUARY 4

 

Charade (Stanley Donen, 1963) = 3.5/5

Damn...I should have picked a much stronger film to kick off my year of viewing. To my defence, this has all the ingredients of a film I should love. So why didn't it completely satisfy me?

Firstly, I should point out that the DVD I watched provided me with a poor print. I would have found something of higher quality if I'd resorted to illegal downloading, as bad as that sounds. The quality was watchable, but quite distracting.

The film features some great individual scenes and some compelling characters, but it doesn't come together as a whole. The marriage of suspense and comedy feels uneasy. This is often hailed as "the best Hitchcock film that Hitchcock never made," but I feel it lacks the fluid simplicity the Master of Suspense was renowned for. This is evident in the film's excessive plot twists.

JANUARY 5

The Descendants (Alexander Payne, 2011) = 5/5

I had seen this film before, but this was my first watch on Blu-ray. As predicted, it looked spectacular and the movie held up. This film is amazing in the way it draws you into the story, making you feel like you belong to the King family. It is immensely rewarding to watch these characters grow, as every sentiment feels genuine. Payne has crafted a picture of real human emotion. Clooney and Woodley are real standouts. 

JANUARY 6

Safety Not Guaranteed (Colin Trevorrow, 2012) = 3.5/5

Based on a novel? Nope. Based on a play? Nope. This quirky film is based on a 1997 Backwoods Home Magazine classified ad. The film is gimmicky on the surface, but emotionally earnest at its core. Plaza and Duplass give great performances.

JANUARY 9

Kids (Larry Clark, 1995) = 4/5

In Kids, a HIV-positive teenager attempts to deflower as many virgins as he can in one day. It's a controversial film, to say the least. It feels almost ethnographic in its brutally realistic exploration of teenage delinquency. Humorous dialogue softens the gloom. I have never liked Harmony Korine as a director, but this film showcases his ability as a writer. 

JANUARY 11

Muriel's Wedding (P. J. Hogan, 1994) = 3.5/5

It's very entertaining and it does well to avoid kitsch territory. Unfortunately, it feels incomplete. We're forced to invest in Muriel so much that the peripheral characters (with the exception of Griffiths' Rhonda) feel empty.

JANUARY 12

Superbad (Greg Mottola, 2007) = 5/5

A timeless film about the thrill of anticipation that harbours a sweet tinge of melancholy beneath its vulgar exterior. Quite simply, It's a tribute to all the crazy shit you get up to with your mates...the wild nights that no one sees coming. Superbad means a lot to me. It's my fourth-favourite film of all time.

JANUARY 20

The Mist (Frank Darabont, 2007) = 3/5

While not scary, the terror is convincing and the film is immersive. Let down by an overlong running time and a contrived ending. It's one of the more disappointing Stephen King adaptations. 

JANUARY 24

The Conversation (Francis Ford Coppola, 1974) = 3/5

This is the film that made me feel like a bad film enthusiast. Everyone loves The Conversation, right? Well, I didn't. And I've disliked highly-acclaimed films in the past, but this was different. I felt like I really should have liked this one. I think the problem is that I went in expecting something similar to Rear Window. When I see the word "spying" in a film's plot premise, that's the first film I think of. Obviously, there's so much more going on in this film...a lot of subtext beneath the surface. Ultimately, I couldn't empathise with a single character, and the slow pacing was grating. Also, I almost had to lean in closer to my TV to understand some of the muffled dialogue. I can't call this a bad film. In fact, I would say it outsmarted me. I will just call it a very tedious watch. 

JANUARY 25

You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger (Woody Allen, 2010) = 1/5

Of the 41 Allen films I've seen, this is the worst. It's a lazy, paint-by-numbers film that feels like a soap opera on steroids. This is a cautionary tale for why you shouldn't pump out one film per year. I can't believe Anthony Hopkins agreed to be in this. What's sadder is that I can't even call his performance a redeeming feature. If this film were a food, it would be white bread, perhaps specked with mould. I'm sure many people have been sucked into this film by its ambiguous title, but an interesting title does not a good film make!

JANUARY 27

The Grey (Joe Carnahan, 2011) = 4/5

We feel the desperation and isolation of the characters. Beautiful cinematography immerses us in the freezing cold. To allude to Dylan Thomas, it's a film about raging against the dying of the light. It's so much more than Liam Neeson vs. Wolves: The Movie.

JANUARY 28

Her (Spike Jonze, 2013) = 4/5

An affecting film about the ubiquity and distancing effect of technology. Great as a character study, but as a film I was slightly underwhelmed. I can't exactly put my finger on it, but there was something insincere about the closing scenes. The third act felt a little rushed in general. These reservations aside, HER is still a great film that's worth seeing for its original screenplay, beautiful cinematography, and a remarkable central performance by Joaquin Phoenix. I think Jonze should also be commended for his mature approach to the subject matter. Theodore (Phoenix) is not an archetype...no fedora-wearing "neckbeard" who lives in his mother's basement. He could be your neighbour, your friend, or even you.

JANUARY 29

Swimming Pool (François Ozon, 2003) = 3.5/5

This erotic thriller offers more than eye candy, and keeps you guessing right 'til the end. Unfortunately, we're left to do too much guessing. There is only so much ambiguity I can take.

JANUARY 30

Bernie (Richard Linklater, 2011) = 4/5

Only a talent like Linklater could pull off this comedy/crime/drama/mockumentary/biopic concoction. Jack Black is perfectly cast and gives the performance of his career. You can tell that Linklater wrote the script specifically with Black in mind. 

JANUARY 31

Sinister (Scott Derrickson, 2012) = 3.5/5

While I think the film tries to be too clever and butchers its ending, it delivers on scares by building an atmosphere of dread. The murders depicted on the found Super 8 footage are especially disturbing. Ethan Hawke is great as usual in the central role, and I feel he is still underrated in Hollywood. One last thing: can we just stop with the trope of scary possessed children? It's getting old. Really old. 

In Summary - The Must-See Films (4.5 or 5 Stars)

* The Descendants

* Superbad

The Visceral Beauty of Spoken Word Poetry: Ten of My Favourites

Spoken word poetry is arguably the rawest form of human expression. The body becomes a technology, and words fall like dominoes to leave an audience in awe. I feel that poetry is taught in high schools with a certain tired detachment, much like the plays of Shakespeare. Unless the teacher has penned their own body of work, enthusiasm will often be lacking. Students mistakenly believe that all poems must rhyme, and many male students (not me, of course) feel that writing poetry would expose a sensitive side they would much rather keep to themselves. If spoken word poetry was integrated into the curriculum, I believe today's youth would not only be more keen on devouring poetry, but that they would also be inspired to create their own. In this post, I'll share my ten favourite spoken word poems with some brief commentary. I won't bother ordering them, as that would be a futile exercise. Be prepared to feel goose bumps, and it wouldn't hurt to sit beside a box of tissues. Some of these will hit you like a tonne of bricks.

What Teachers Make - Taylor Mali

Stand-up comedians often fabricate certain aspects of their lives for the sake of a good joke. "I was walking down the street the other day..." Were you? Or were you sitting on your couch thinking of jokes for your next set? I don't mind if comedians lie; what matters is that they make me laugh. In the case of spoken word poets, and especially in this instance with Mr. Mali, you get the sense that nothing is a sham. You can feel the legitimacy reverberating from the words. You see the truth in the poet's gestures and facial expressions. Taylor Mali spent nine years as a teacher of English, history, and mathematics. He now lectures and holds workshops for teachers and students the world over. Indeed, his experience as a teacher informs many of his poems. He has even written and performed a poem about something as insignificant as girls lending pens. He is clearly a man who is passionate about his vocation, as evidenced through this electrifying poem on teaching to make a difference, not a wage.   

That Love - Simone Stolzoff

In Woody Allen's Vicky Cristina Barcelona, there's a scene where Scarlett Johansson's character laments that she is not gifted. She can appreciate art and music, but she doesn't have the talent to create her own. Hence, she must live with so much repressed emotion. Stolzoff's poem is written from a very similar perspective. Here is a young man with a romantic, sensitive soul. All he needs is a girl who will let him love her. Can you really write a love poem if you've never been in love? He needs to find someone who will validate his sweet words. It is frustrating to watch people take love for granted; to see people whinge about their partner's flaws instead of embracing their positive traits. There have been countless times where I've been speaking to someone and they have cautioned me, "Steven, never get a girlfriend!" or "Don't you ever get married!" In these situations, I must resist the urge to tell that person to break up with their partner if relationships really do suck that much. Also noteworthy is the subtle humour Stolzoff injects into the poem, such as the stony facial expression and deliberate pause when he compares finding love to finding a five dollar bill resurfacing from folds of denim.  

This is Not the End of the World - Neil Hilborn

This is one of my go-to videos on days when I feel like utter shit. Sometimes, it's just so hard to believe that you make a difference to people in this life. You only consider this on your birthday when everyone's standing around a cake, singing Happy Birthday to You. The other 364 days can be a real drag. This poem is a big "fuck you" to the negative feelings within the gamut of human emotion. Hilborn suffers from bipolar disorder, so this poem is understandably close to his heart. He espouses that, to persevere against bipolar and other mental illnesses, one must always be busy, or at least optimistic. Wallowing in self-pity only digs a deeper, more disastrous hole. My favourite line: "Whatever you're feeling right now, there is a mathematical certainty that someone else is feeling that exact thing." If this poem isn't enough to make someone step down from that ledge, I don't know what is.

Social Anxiety at 130 BPM - Aaron Burstein 

This didn't really appeal to me on my first listen, but it really grew on me over time. Now, I have not been diagnosed with any anxiety disorder, but then again, I've never gone to get tested. All I know is that I can get very, very uncomfortable in social situations where everyone is a stranger. I can't go to parties if I don't know at least one other guest besides the host. As an introvert, loud environments unnerve me. I'm at the train station when I see someone I went to school with. I want to avoid this person, not because I hate him, but because we never spoke that much and small talk is my weakness. Burstein nails the experience of entering a crowded room when you are not gifted with social skills. The whole "expectations vs. reality" dilemma is spot on. "They're just people," you think. "This will be easy." But then you walk in that room and the inane chatter is too grating to bear. With one foot in the door, you already want a change of scenery. I also like how Burstein portrays the fluctuation of thoughts throughout one interaction, giving his poem a stream-of-consciousness flavour. Most importantly, he reminds us that it's okay to fake it 'til you make it. Be The Iceman.   

Liars, All of Us - Chad Anderson

Earlier in this post, I differentiated between stand-up comedians and slam poets. I said that poets don't lie the way comedians do. This doesn't necessarily mean that poets don't glorify the nastiness of life. There is a difference between lies and concealment. One is a direct untruth. The other is the hiding of a truth. What Anderson's addressing in this meta-poem is the way poets choose to distort the truth in order to get the snaps and applause. A poem is not a photograph. As a poet, you have the opportunity to paint a rosy picture of a sordid scene. This is poetry as therapy, or poetry as distraction. You need to embed some hooks and rhymes in your poem, because if you dish out the bare truth, your audience is going to be depressed. It loses its status as art and becomes confession—the stuff you tell your psychiatrist when all that surrounds you is four walls. 

Muse for a Restless Leg - Simone Stolzoff

Here's another beautiful poem from the grossly underrated Simone Stolzoff. It's probably the vaguest poem on this list in terms of subject matter, but like Anderson's poem above, it tackles the theme of writing for an audience versus writing for yourself. It's a little tough to decipher, but my interpretation is that Stolzoff wrote this poem as it allowed him to fantasise about life with a girl he loves. However, by the time he finished writing it, he realised that he would have better chances of getting the girl if he actually practised what he preached rather than sharing his desires with a room full of strangers. The line that breaks me every time is "It's awful nice to save the last bite of dessert for someone that you know is coming home." Ain't that the truth? 

The Future - Neil Hilborn

The second Hilborn poem on this list is about Neil's struggles and epiphanies caused by his bipolar disorder. It's a well-written poem, but it's Hilborn's delivery that takes it to a whole new level. His genius is that he can trivialise his own illness without insulting other bipolar sufferers. When Hilborn talks about the symptoms of bipolar, he doesn't speak for everyone. He individualises the illness so well that he can talk about suicidal thoughts with an animated timbre to his voice. By the time he conjures up the portmanteau blowmotion, we have fallen in love with him. Here is a man who wants to make people smile, even when he is sharing the lowest points of his life. I love the homely image of the future as "a small town we're all gonna move to someday." I think Neil Hilborn deserves to be the mayor of that town. 

Rubik's Cube - Benjamin Barker

I'm amazed that Barker was able to remain composed during this performance. I still remember the night I lost my last remaining grandparent: September 27, 2004. I bawled my eyes out. The trouble with grandparents is that, when we're children, we don't have a complete understanding of mortality. We know what "old people" look like, and we have some understanding of death, but we don't expect our grandparents to die because they are such a strong presence in our lives. Yes, we know about death, but we don't know how it claims people without warning. What's the difference between cancer and a stroke? The juvenile mind does not know, nor does it want to know. Barker demonstrates his knack for storytelling in this performance, so much so that I almost felt like I had lived his history. The metaphor of a Rubik's cube for a mind ravaged by Alzheimer's works wonderfully, just like Barker's hand gestures. When he describes the vivid colours of World War II, I think of the blissful brutality of The Thin Red Line. This is a thoroughly moving work which deserves more recognition.   

Pine City - Renee Schminkey

For a poem that comes from such a personal place, Pine City is surprisingly accessible. We sense Schminkey's genuine pain over growing up amidst a sophomore scrapheap, and the tacky media circuses and gossiping that would follow each instance. She is deadly accurate in capturing the hysteria that surrounds a string of deaths in a small town. I don't say this from experience, but I've read enough national and international news to recognise the outpouring of grief that sounds like it was aided by an autocue, and the way it tapers off when everyone has had their Act of Remembrance validated by another. Schminkey feels smothered by the culture of misery her town has accrued, and her gasps at the start of each sentence are signs that she's surfacing for air.

OCD - Neil Hilborn

Even if you're not too familiar with poetry slams or spoken word poems, here's one you might recognise. This is such an important poem in the context of the spoken word community. It is the most-viewed slam poem ever posted on YouTube, and for many people (including myself), it's the poem that sparked their interest in the wonderful world of spoken word. I've already touched on Neil's bipolar disorder in this post, and it just so happens that he is also afflicted by obsessive-compulsive disorder. The "tics" that Hilborn exhibits in this poem are deliberately used for dramatic effect, but otherwise, his OCD is very real. OCD is the best-delivered slam poem I have ever seen. Hilborn starts slow and progressively builds to a crescendo. The result is that we are floored by the climax. I thought my goose bumps were about to mature into fully-fledged geese. You can't fake this emotion. Neil Hilborn's OCD is slam poetry realised to its greatest potential. It is pure magic—the product of an artist, a microphone, and a room full of people hoping to see themselves in another human being.  

December 2013 Film Wrap-Up

December 2013: The month I watched a ridiculous amount of Woody Allen films, and the month I discovered the pleasure of rewatching my favourite films. Oh, and I finally bought a Blu-ray player!

For those who are interested, I watched a total of 264 films in 2013. I began with The Seventh Continent and finished with one of my all-time favourites, Scream. 

DECEMBER 1

Black Narcissus (Michael Powell & Emeric Pressburger, 1947) = 4.5/5

A psychological drama about a convent of nuns in the Himalayas and their struggle to adapt to new, exotic surroundings. This film is brimming with vibrant colours and atmospheric lighting. It's a subtly erotic drama about isolation and desire. Powell & Pressburger are knocking on the door for a spot in my top 10 favourite directors. 

Annie Hall (Woody Allen, 1977) = 5/5

I'm not going to write too much about this one, as you would already know my thoughts on it. It's my second-favourite Allen film, behind Hannah and Her Sisters. This is the most important romantic comedy ever made, and it is driven by one of the best scripts ever written, period. I will never tire of this film. It will always be funny and it will never lose its power to move me. Thank you, Woody Allen.

DECEMBER 2

Gremlins (Joe Dante, 1984) = 4/5

I remember seeing bits of this film (or perhaps the sequel) as a child. I liked what I saw, but I couldn't recollect much of it. That's why I pounced at the chance to see this on the big screen at Dendy Newtown. This movie exists for one purpose: to provide the viewer with a fun time. It succeeds. It's an almost-perfect family film. You can argue that it's too violent to be a family film, but if/when I have kids, I will have no objections to them watching this. Heck, if I handled The Exorcist at age five, what damage will Gremlins do to a young, developing mind?

DECEMBER 3

A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy (Woody Allen, 1982) = 3/5

It's not Allen's worst film, but it's a contender for his most painfully average. It's lighter than a babycino. It's amusing in parts, but I mostly felt like a passive observer.

DECEMBER 4

Brokeback Mountain (Ang Lee, 2005) = 4/5

First of all, I am grateful that I was able to tell my Facebook friends I was watching this without getting homophobic remarks hurled my way. This is a quiet film that requires patience, but amidst the silence, there are moments of yearning that roar. It's well-acted and punctuated by a beautiful score. The cinematography is also rather stunning. I miss Heath Ledger.  

DECEMBER 5

Hollywood Ending (Woody Allen, 2002) = 3.5/5

Woody Allen has gone on record as saying this is one of his favourites amongst his own films. He is perplexed as to why it raked in so little at the box office. While it's not top-tier Woody Allen, it's certainly an entertaining film that milks a lot of laughs out of a one-joke premise. It's gratuitously self-referential but endlessly watchable. 

DECEMBER 6

Reality Bites (Ben Stiller, 1994) = 3.5/5

One of several 90s films that dissected the Generation X mentality. Nothing original here, but pleasant nonetheless. It's well-written, and I'm sure many of the lines will stay with me. My favourite: "He's so cheesy, I can't watch him without crackers."

DECEMBER 8

Back to the Future (Robert Zemeckis, 1985) = 4.5/5

I can't believe I waited so long to watch this film! It is wonderful and it thoroughly deserves its status as a landmark of popular culture. It's funny, entertaining, and unexpectedly touching. I guess I'll have to watch the sequels now!

DECEMBER 9

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (Ben Stiller, 2013) = 3.5/5

If The Secret Life of Walter Mitty were a food, it would be one of those giant rainbow-swirl lollipops. It's a dazzling amalgamation of colours and you will concentrate on the subtle details of particular shots with the same intensity of a child poring over a Where's Wally? double-page spread. Does this lollipop taste good? I think it does, but I also think I'd have enjoyed it more if it didn't have so many cracks. This particular film reviewer prefers his movies with a cynical edge that confirms his worldview—life is a series of disappointments, with the occasional intervening success. Walter Mitty is not the type of film that echoes such a sentiment. While the eponymous protagonist does persevere through several obstacles, the film is ultimately a sweet one that will have you exiting the cinema with a smile on your face. Most films that veer into saccharine territory have no idea how sentimental they are. They mistake goodbyes in the rain for profundity. Walter Mitty can get sickly sweet at times, but I can forgive this, for the film is inherently tied to notions of escapism. You can read my full review here.

DECEMBER 10

Interiors (Woody Allen, 1978) = 3.5/5

It's easily Allen's bleakest film. Do not seek this out if you're after a good time. It's well-written and superbly acted, but the sombreness feels forced. After all, this is Allen's homage to Bergman's chamber dramas. As is often the case, he focuses too much on paying tribute and not enough on saying something. Despite this, I still admire him for giving this a shot. It's quite good considering it was his first proper drama film, following the semi-serious Annie Hall.

DECEMBER 11

Frances Ha (Noah Baumbach, 2013) = 4/5

I dream of an era where Noah Baumbach is recognised as one of the greatest living directors. I've now seen Kicking and Screaming, The Squid and the Whale, Greenberg, and Frances Ha, of course. I have loved each of these films. Frances Ha is a film for those who are brimming with passion but have no idea where to place it. It is gorgeously directed, and Gerwig is very endearing as the eponymous character. I expect Baumbach and Gerwig to become one of the great director-actress combinations of our time. 

DECEMBER 12

Margaret (Kenneth Lonergan, 2011) = 3.5/5

Technically stunning with great performances, but it doesn't warrant its long runtime. It just feels too clunky and disjointed, and there came a point where it was bogged down by legalese. To paraphrase Chaplin, I thought too much and felt too little.

DECEMBER 13

Scoop (Woody Allen, 2006) = 2/5

A farcical waste of talent, time and money. It all feels so contrived. Call me a cynic, but I wouldn't be surprised if Allen only made this film so he could act alongside the beautiful Miss Johansson. I lost count of the number of times he touched her on the arm or back.

DECEMBER 14

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (Adam McKay, 2004) = 1.5/5

Sorry, but I just do not get it. At all. Ron Burgundy is one of the most irritating protagonists in the history of film. This is a weak excuse for satire, and it is depressingly juvenile. I had seen this before many years ago, but I had to rewatch it to confirm if I found it average or if I truly hated it. I hated it. 

DECEMBER 15

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (Andrew Dominik, 2007) = 4.5/5

One of the great contemporary westerns. It's slow but never tedious. The characters are morally ambiguous, and the cinematography is impeccable.

DECEMBER 16

Sweet and Lowdown (Woody Allen, 1999) = 4/5

A sweet film that carries undertones of sadness. This mock biopic feels incredibly authentic. Penn and Morton shine in one of Woody Allen's most underrated films. I love Zhao Fei's cinematography in this film.

DECEMBER 17

Surviving Christmas (Mike Mitchell, 2004) = 2/5

It embarrasses itself with sitcom sensibilities. A schmaltzy, chaotic mess. It's too juvenile and lazy to love, but it's too harmless to incite hate. I just pity it because it thinks it's more profound than it actually is.

DECEMBER 18

Shadows and Fog (Woody Allen, 1991) = 3/5

Aesthetically interesting with some great patches of dialogue, but I seldom felt involved in the narrative. I much preferred Allen's one-act play Death, which the film was based on.

DECEMBER 19

A Christmas Story (Bob Clark, 1983) = 4/5

An accurate depiction of what it's like to be a child at Christmas. A feel-good film that is never sickly sweet.

DECEMBER 20

The Thin Red Line (Terrence Malick, 1998) = 4.5/5

It moves at a pace that allows your eyes to take a leisurely stroll around the screen. A haunting contrast of chaos and calm. With each Malick film I see, I become more fascinated with the man's approach to making movies. 

DECEMBER 21

The Spectacular Now (James Ponsoldt, 2013) = 4/5

A quiet, emotionally mature film that wisely refrains from sacrificing believability for extravagant plotting. I thought it deserved a more conclusive ending, but its ambiguity does nicely complement the film's central message that it's okay to be unsure about things because life isn't scripted. If we want a happy Hollywood ending in our own lives, we have to work for it.

Cassandra's Dream (Woody Allen, 2007) = 2/5

A candidate for Woody's worst film. It's an almost impenetrable movie. Woody Allen was the wrong person to direct it. A great cast is wasted on a contrived movie where nothing rings true. It also contains one of the most rushed endings I have ever seen in a film. 

DECEMBER 22

Die Hard (John McTiernan, 1988) = 3.5/5

First of all:

1. This was a first-time viewing.
2. Some of you may know my views on the action genre. I don't really like it and when I do decide to watch an action film, I am very selective with what I pick.

I thought the action sequences in this film were well-directed. The film moves at a very watchable pace and does well to not veer into gratuitous explosions. Although I am no expert in the field of action films, I think it's safe to call this a classic of its genre, but it's only a speck in the history of cinema as a whole. It was good enough, but I won't be watching the sequels.

DECEMBER 23

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex * But Were Afraid to Ask (Woody Allen, 1972) = 3.5/5

A hit-and-miss collection of vignettes that allows Allen to showcase his comedic versatility. Whether your tastes are highbrow or lowbrow, you'll find something here that you like.

Bad Santa (Terry Zwigoff, 2003) = 3/5

You've got several genres competing for precedence which makes it very awkward to watch. It just feels off. Thornton makes this watchable despite the fact his character feels like a caricature.

DECEMBER 24

Bullets Over Broadway (Woody Allen, 1994) = 3.5/5

Jazz-scored pandemonium that almost gave me a headache. This might be the loudest Woody Allen film. There's a lot of dialogue and plenty of music, and it becomes almost overwhelming. Luckily it was well-written with a wealth of great performances.

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (Chris Columbus, 1992) = 5/5

My favourite Christmas film, and one that I watch every Christmas Eve (this tradition only started in 2012). 

10 reasons why Home Alone 2: Lost in New York is better than Home Alone: 

1. New York City is a character in itself.
2. Brenda Fricker as the Central Park Pigeon Lady (great scene in the loft of Carnegie Hall).
3. Tim Curry and Rob Schneider.
4. It’s so much darker than the first one…found it really scary as a kid which only made it more enticing.
5. I prefer the music in part 2. ‘Christmas Star’ is a beautiful song.
6. “Mr McCallister…here's your very own cheese pizza!”
7. I like the setting of the Plaza Hotel.
8. Duncan’s Toy Chest.
9. The significance of turtle doves.
10. Cliff.

DECEMBER 25

New York Stories (Martin Scorsese, Francis Ford Coppola & Woody Allen, 1989) = 3/5

Scorsese, Coppola and Allen each direct a featurette in this ode to the city that never sleeps. 

Scorsese's segment = Average.
Coppola's segment = Abysmal. Co-written by a teenage Sofia Coppola, which may explain why it's terrible.
Allen's segment = Good.

Overall, this was a disappointing misfire that failed to do justice to such a fascinating city. I expected a much better effort considering the talent involved.

DECEMBER 26

Anything Else (Woody Allen, 2003) = 3/5

This is probably the weirdest Woody Allen film I have seen, and that's quite a statement considering the amount of genre-hopping the veteran has done. It's not weird because of its plot. It's weird because there isn't much of a plot to begin with. It feels less like a film and more like a screenplay read aloud amidst the backdrop of a movie set. The dialogue is snappy and it's funny enough despite the pseudo-intellectual overtones, but the film has no soul. It could have been titled I'm More Cultured Than You: The Movie. I didn't hate it, but I did feel like it was incomplete—a melting pot of ideas and literary allusions waiting to find coherence.

DECEMBER 28

American Beauty (Sam Mendes, 1999) = 5/5

When I got my Blu-ray player, this was the first film I watched on it. I didn't think this film could get any more gorgeous. I was wrong. If you've been living under a rock for the past couple of years, American Beauty is my favourite film of all time. I could waffle on here about how much I love it, but instead I'll link you to this, where I explain the reasons this film is so dear to me. 

DECEMBER 29

Lost in Translation (Sofia Coppola, 2003) = 5/5

This was another rewatch on Blu-ray. It is probably the most beautiful film about human connection I've ever seen. It's about two lonely people—one an aging actor; the other a young, married college graduate—who find each other in a city where everything is, well, lost in translation. The city is Tokyo, and good lord, it has never looked more spectacular.  This movie works for so many reasons, but the main one is that Bob (Bill Murray) and Charlotte (Scarlett Johansson) never turn their relationship into an erotic one. This is not about sex. This is about companionship in a place where you can't really turn to anyone. The contrast between Bob's life experience and Charlotte's naivety is interesting to observe, and makes their relationship all the more intriguing. Lost in Translation is not always entertaining, but it is never dull. Even when nothing's happening, everything is so aesthetically pleasing that you can't afford to look away. It makes me sad that this is a fictitious film. I fell in love with these two souls, but I've got to accept they don't even exist in the real world. There's something incredibly poignant about a fleeting connection. How often have you shared a special moment with someone who you never saw again? You lament the loss of contact, but a part of you feels like your meeting was meant to be transient. One last thing: the karaoke scene is very, very special. 

DECEMBER 30

The Curse of the Jade Scorpion (Woody Allen, 2001) = 2.5/5

I really didn't want to watch this film as I knew it had a reputation as Woody Allen's worst film. But since I vowed to watch every single Woody film, it had to be done. It's not the disaster many claim it to be, but it's not that good, either. It's just too damn gimmicky. I did enjoy the interplay between Allen and Hunt, and there are some very nice warm colours in this.

DECEMBER 31

Scream (Wes Craven, 1996) = 5/5

Scream is one of those movies that is scarier than you actually expect. The poster suggests it's just another run-of-the-mill slasher flick, but it's far from that. Wes Craven is playful and the material is never too dark, but when it wants to be, Scream can be incredibly unsettling. The opening scene featuring Drew Barrymore is probably my favourite opening scene of all time, and a terrifying one at that. Craven is a genius who knows what horror fans like, and this film is an homage to everything the slasher subgenre is about. It's a quintessential 90s film. Watching this on Blu-ray for the first time in years was interesting. I'll admit that it hasn't aged terribly well, and the third act is a bit sloppy, but I just couldn't bring myself to lower the rating. This film just means too much to me as a horror enthusiast. 

In Summary - The Must-See Films (4.5 or 5 Stars)

* Black Narcissus

* Annie Hall

* Back to the Future

* The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

* The Thin Red Line

* Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

* American Beauty

* Lost in Translation

* Scream