I only got about three and a half hours sleep last night, as thoughts about today's exam were keeping me awake. It's not that I was nervous, but rather that I couldn't stop speculating about the exam. My mind was having a conversation with itself, and it was rather frustrating. Before I knew it, it was 6:30 A.M. My breakfast was scrambled eggs on toast, which is more breakfast than I'd have on a regular school day. As I started to put on my school uniform, it sunk in that I was going somewhere; that something important was happening today. I was planning to pump myself up for the exam by listening to music on the bus, however I reached into my pockets, only to realise that I had left my headphones at home. I thought that may have been a bad omen for things to follow. When I arrived at school, I felt relatively relaxed. I was all smiles, and was pretty happy to see all of my mates again.
Upon finding my seat in the exam room, I tried to feel as natural as possible, and block out the fact that I was sitting a HSC exam. I thought that the new three-page writing booklets were an unnecessary change, although they made me feel as though I was writing more than usual...I think that's because I was. As usual, I did the exam in chronological order; a decision that I now regret. Personally, I thought that the reading task was particularly challenging. I found the wording of the questions to be a bit vague, and didn't like how the theme of family was tied in with each question. It's as if we were being tested on that theme, as well as belonging. (Random fact: the word family was said on Home and Away almost at the exact same time that I typed the word, two sentences ago.) The first text, i.e. the artwork, was deceptively simple, however I haven't spoken to anybody so far who interpreted it the same way as me. I think I looked too far into it. The second text (the one about the two brothers) was easy to read, but I think that it could be interpreted from a variety of perspectives. I'm not gonna lie - I found it somewhat confusing. I absolutely HATED the third text (the one with the three sisters and Beth), and pretty much bullshat (past tense of bullshit) my way through its adjoining question. As for the poem, I actually liked it from an aesthetic point of view. I understood it to a fair extent, although I'm not sure if my interpretation matched the poet's intentions. I took it to be about the importance of examining the entire human experience, not just the good times. For the five-mark question, I chose the second text, as well as the poem. Overall, I wasn't happy with the texts that were chosen for this section, nor with my ability to persevere with them.
My eyes lit up when I found out that we could write the creative piece in any imaginative form. I went with my forte - writing a speech. My speeches on belonging always follow the same format. I assume the role of a teenage male (meant to symbolise me) who is warning his friends (who generally agree with him) of the dangers of conformity, and call upon examples of thoughtlessness and insolence amongst Generation Y. I was speaking to Antonio before the exam, and he comically suggested that I should just regurgitate my blog entry The Introverted Extrovert (Where I Fit on the Social Spectrum). Believe it or not, I actually used parts of that entry in my speech today. It just came naturally. I've lost count of the number of times I've criticised Generation Y over the Internet. So, my speech was a bit of a rant on today's music, the death of common courtesy, and what our generation is like at parties. I began the speech with the third piece of stimulus, if you're interested. Overall, I think that this was my most cohesive section, and the one that I'll get the best marks for.
Now for my reflections on the essay. I have a confession to make. Remember how I told you all that I'm against memorising essays for the HSC? Well, I memorised an essay for today's exam. This essay is the same one that I used for the half-yearly exam. I tweaked it for the trial exam by changing one idea completely, and including Radiohead's song Creep as a second supplementary text. For today's exam, I changed my paragraph about Creep into a paragraph about the film American Beauty. So, my sole related text was that film, which just so happens to be my favourite film. The question was fairly basic, yet I still didn't bother to tweak my memorised essay to perfectly match the question, which made me feel lazy and stupid, in a sense. Anyway, I was writing practically non-stop for 35 minutes, and my hand/arm was killing me. The worst part of it all? I didn't finish. This wasn't too much of a disappointment when "pens down" was called, as I had practically accepted resignation when there were ten minutes to go. I just knew that I wouldn't make it. I simply can't write fast enough (as explained in my blog The HSC - A Test of Knowledge? I Don't Think So.). It's not like I just didn't finish the conclusion either...I didn't finish the conclusion AND half of my last body paragraph. If it's any consolation, I wrote five and a half pages, which is the highest number of pages that I have ever written in an extended response for any subject. Yes; I'm being serious. Some people would laugh at that fact, but I was pretty pleased to reach that personal achievement.
In the end, any disappointment about not finishing was quenched by the feeling of knocking over my first HSC exam. I just can't wait for this shit to be over. Today's exam pretty much confirmed that an ATAR in the 90s is out of my reach, but I never had the self-belief in the first place, so what's there to be crushed about? It's no big deal. Seriously, I will be pleased with anything in the 70s or 80s.
Oh, and on a side note...over the past two days, I've found out that this blog attracts more people than I originally thought. A few people have come up to me and professed their love for my blog. Thanks guys! Your comments mean a lot.
Regards,
Steven
Friday, October 15, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
My 'Cheap Thrills'
Sorry guys, but due to English Paper 1 being tomorrow, I won't be able to produce an original entry tonight. For me, writing blogs takes quite a bit of thought and deliberation, and I need to spend the last hour or so of my night establishing some ideas for my creative writing section. If I was to rush a blog entry, it just wouldn't be the same as if I wrote it naturally. That doesn't mean that I'm gonna provide you with nothing tonight. As an alternative, I've decided to post something that I made as a Facebook note about two weeks ago, entitled My 'Cheap Thrills'. I hope you enjoy it, and good luck for tomorrow's exam!
===================================================================
Every human being likes things. Everyone likes to eat their favourite foods, to watch their favourite TV shows, and to listen to their favourite music, for example. Then there are the more subtle things in life that we like. It's likely that your best friend doesn't even know you like these things. These are the 'cheap thrills' of life. In a world where so much emphasis is placed on aiming for high goals and taking life seriously, everyone has their own little 'cheap thrills' that make them who they are; small pleasures that evoke momentary smiles. These are 50 of my 'cheap thrills', just because I'm bothered to list them.
1. Making myself sound like a robot by speaking into a fan.
2. Sliding around my kitchen wearing socks.
3. Seeing bus drivers wave to each other.
4. Finding a wasp nest.
5. Inserting my train ticket into the ticket machine at train stations.
6. Bubble wrap...enough said.
7. Pausing movies at a random scene so the characters have funny facial expressions.
8. Typing '6 x 6 =' on a calculator to test if it works (I rarely test a calculator using any other equation).
9. It's a Friday at school, and someone says "I'll bring that for you tomorrow." There's always one kid who says "Tomorrow's Saturday."
10. Watching two or more raindrops 'race' down a window.
11. Trying to tickle myself.
12. Practicing accents of a variety of cultures when I am home alone.
13. Seeing fleas jump.
14. Flipping my pillow over to get to the cold side.
15. Waking up with a dead arm, then playing with that arm using the hand connected to my opposite arm.
16. Saying the same thing as another person at the exact same time.
17. Having a relief teacher who tries, to no avail, to control a chaotic class.
18. Collecting movie tickets and tickets from NRL games.
19. Wearing pants that I haven't worn in ages, and finding out that there's something in one, or both, of the pockets.
20. Tim Tam Slams (See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tim_tam_slam).
21. Talking in a large, vacant room, just to hear my voice echo.
22. Particular smells: hot bread, mown grass, petrol, permanent markers and bleach, to name a few.
23. Seeing the one kid who turns up to Mufti Days in their school uniform.
24. Being on a bus and finding the bus tickets of strangers...and reading them.
25. Corners...don't ask me why, but I like sitting or standing in corners.
26. Scratching the entire panel on a Scratchies ticket...I like the neatness of it.
27. Tucking my arms inside a jumper when trying to keep warm.
28. Stepping over the cracks in a footpath.
29. Doubling the speed of a song using Windows Media Player.
30. Looking up random streets in a street directory.
31. Searching for people in the White Pages. I don’t stalk them. I just receive some strange gratification from finding someone I know in the phone book.
32. Seeing people who look like Neil Finn (lead singer of the band Crowded House). Let’s face it – a lot of people look like Neil Finn.
33. Having ‘pins and needles’. Sometimes, I can’t stand it. But most of the time, it’s an interesting feeling.
34. When someone is telling me off, and they make a grammatical error in the process. I correct that error, before allowing them to continue.
35. When someone starts a chain of coughs during an exam.
36. The competition that some people have to be the last person to clap during a round of applause.
37. Turning a page over in a book (usually a novel). When I reach the end of a page, I feel as though I’ve accomplished something, even if it’s the first page of a book.
38. Being involved in an awkward silence, and pointing out that the silence is in fact awkward.
39. Being on someone’s Facebook page, then seeing them sign into MSN. It’s a bit freaky. It’s as if they KNOW you’re on their page.
40. Saying/reading/writing/typing a word that is being said on the TV/radio at the same time. It happens to me way too often.
41. Laminating sheets of paper.
42. Calling out someone’s name, having them turn around, and then just staring at them, thus making them look dopey.
43. The fact that I used the word ‘dopey’ in the previous listing. I rarely use that word; change is good.
44. Walking past McDonald’s and smelling ‘that Maccas chip smell’.
45. Staring at people on a train, then looking down when they notice me.
46. Looking all over the house for something, only to realise I’ve been holding it in my hand for the whole time.
47. Encountering people who are so confident that they are right, and get cocky about it, and then proving them wrong.
48. Getting a notification on Facebook.
49. ‘Corny dad jokes’. Ever noticed how every dad enjoys telling jokes to his child/children? Have you also noticed how many of them aren’t that funny? Well, I actually laugh at them, because I appreciate the innocence with which they are told.
50. Knowing bread is going to pop out of the toaster, but still getting a minor shock anyway.
===================================================================
Every human being likes things. Everyone likes to eat their favourite foods, to watch their favourite TV shows, and to listen to their favourite music, for example. Then there are the more subtle things in life that we like. It's likely that your best friend doesn't even know you like these things. These are the 'cheap thrills' of life. In a world where so much emphasis is placed on aiming for high goals and taking life seriously, everyone has their own little 'cheap thrills' that make them who they are; small pleasures that evoke momentary smiles. These are 50 of my 'cheap thrills', just because I'm bothered to list them.
1. Making myself sound like a robot by speaking into a fan.
2. Sliding around my kitchen wearing socks.
3. Seeing bus drivers wave to each other.
4. Finding a wasp nest.
5. Inserting my train ticket into the ticket machine at train stations.
6. Bubble wrap...enough said.
7. Pausing movies at a random scene so the characters have funny facial expressions.
8. Typing '6 x 6 =' on a calculator to test if it works (I rarely test a calculator using any other equation).
9. It's a Friday at school, and someone says "I'll bring that for you tomorrow." There's always one kid who says "Tomorrow's Saturday."
10. Watching two or more raindrops 'race' down a window.
11. Trying to tickle myself.
12. Practicing accents of a variety of cultures when I am home alone.
13. Seeing fleas jump.
14. Flipping my pillow over to get to the cold side.
15. Waking up with a dead arm, then playing with that arm using the hand connected to my opposite arm.
16. Saying the same thing as another person at the exact same time.
17. Having a relief teacher who tries, to no avail, to control a chaotic class.
18. Collecting movie tickets and tickets from NRL games.
19. Wearing pants that I haven't worn in ages, and finding out that there's something in one, or both, of the pockets.
20. Tim Tam Slams (See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tim_tam_slam).
21. Talking in a large, vacant room, just to hear my voice echo.
22. Particular smells: hot bread, mown grass, petrol, permanent markers and bleach, to name a few.
23. Seeing the one kid who turns up to Mufti Days in their school uniform.
24. Being on a bus and finding the bus tickets of strangers...and reading them.
25. Corners...don't ask me why, but I like sitting or standing in corners.
26. Scratching the entire panel on a Scratchies ticket...I like the neatness of it.
27. Tucking my arms inside a jumper when trying to keep warm.
28. Stepping over the cracks in a footpath.
29. Doubling the speed of a song using Windows Media Player.
30. Looking up random streets in a street directory.
31. Searching for people in the White Pages. I don’t stalk them. I just receive some strange gratification from finding someone I know in the phone book.
32. Seeing people who look like Neil Finn (lead singer of the band Crowded House). Let’s face it – a lot of people look like Neil Finn.
33. Having ‘pins and needles’. Sometimes, I can’t stand it. But most of the time, it’s an interesting feeling.
34. When someone is telling me off, and they make a grammatical error in the process. I correct that error, before allowing them to continue.
35. When someone starts a chain of coughs during an exam.
36. The competition that some people have to be the last person to clap during a round of applause.
37. Turning a page over in a book (usually a novel). When I reach the end of a page, I feel as though I’ve accomplished something, even if it’s the first page of a book.
38. Being involved in an awkward silence, and pointing out that the silence is in fact awkward.
39. Being on someone’s Facebook page, then seeing them sign into MSN. It’s a bit freaky. It’s as if they KNOW you’re on their page.
40. Saying/reading/writing/typing a word that is being said on the TV/radio at the same time. It happens to me way too often.
41. Laminating sheets of paper.
42. Calling out someone’s name, having them turn around, and then just staring at them, thus making them look dopey.
43. The fact that I used the word ‘dopey’ in the previous listing. I rarely use that word; change is good.
44. Walking past McDonald’s and smelling ‘that Maccas chip smell’.
45. Staring at people on a train, then looking down when they notice me.
46. Looking all over the house for something, only to realise I’ve been holding it in my hand for the whole time.
47. Encountering people who are so confident that they are right, and get cocky about it, and then proving them wrong.
48. Getting a notification on Facebook.
49. ‘Corny dad jokes’. Ever noticed how every dad enjoys telling jokes to his child/children? Have you also noticed how many of them aren’t that funny? Well, I actually laugh at them, because I appreciate the innocence with which they are told.
50. Knowing bread is going to pop out of the toaster, but still getting a minor shock anyway.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
I've Been Blogging for a Week, and Here's What I Think of it
I remember walking to Fairfield Station last Wednesday following my Geography holiday class, thinking 'I'm gonna make a blog when I get home'. I usually listen to music on my iPod during bus rides, but last Wednesday's bus ride home consisted of thinking of a title for my blog, and what I would make my first entry about. In fact, I even thought of the introductory sentence of my first entry.
The title of my blog actually didn't come to me on the bus. I spent a good five minutes sitting in front of my computer screen, tossing up names. I couldn't think of anything that satisfied me, and so I settled with something that didn't satisfy me: Reflections of a Contemplative Mind. Don't get me wrong - I don't think it's a bad name for a blog, but it just sounds a bit clichéd. So I finished my first post, read over it, and then submitted it. My first post wasn't anything that special, but it wasn't intended to be. After all, it was just a post to give you a brief insight into my background - who I am, and what I'm here for. My second post explored one of my greatest passions - cinema. I know that some of you may not have watched the movie scenes I posted, but I understand that I can't cater for everyone; that's fine. My third post was in great contrast with its predecessor, as it was a lot more personal in nature. I didn't feel embarrassed to reveal anything about myself in that post, and in a way, I felt compelled to make a lot of those revelations. My next post was a long one, and I'm grateful if anyone read the whole thing. I voiced many strong beliefs about music, and this post gave me that wonderful feeling of getting something of your chest. My next blog, Truth, is perhaps my personal favourite. I felt a sense of peacefulness whilst writing it, and it got my creative juices flowing. I also feel that the length of this post is a nice length for a blog entry, although I know that I'll just about always exceed it. My blog about the HSC is the entry that has received the most feedback so far, and all of it has been positive. I think it provided some comfort to those who were stressing over the HSC. As for my latest blog: Formspring Trolls + the Notion of Self-pity, I wasn't too pleased with the finished product. The first half of it seems like a cry for attention, upon reflection. The second half has some merit, but I spent way too long writing it, drawing quite a few blanks. As for THIS blog entry, I hope it has the same type of vibe as The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular, although I realise it isn't as spectacular.
So, what do I think of being a blogger? I enjoy it quite a bit. It's a convenient refuge from the day's tedious happenings. Blogging is a great way of examining myself. I'm often analysing other people, so blogging gives me a chance to write about myself, and then critique my overall persona. The fact that I blog daily means that I'll always have something to look forward to. I get bored a lot at home, and I've always believed that you can tolerate almost any degree of boredom in life, as long as you have something to look forward to. I've written most of my blogs close to midnight, and I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe it's because Facebook is dead around that time, haha.
Now for the part you've all been waiting for...the part where I thank you all for being such wonderful followers. Despite only having three official followers (Olivia, Antonio and Danny), it seems that I've developed a cult following. I think my biggest thank you goes to Danny Nguyen. *Ponders whether to keep writing in third-person, or switch to second-person to make things more personal.* I'll switch to second-person. Thank you so much Danny, for being a supporter from day one, for the consistent feedback, and for all the time you've taken to fix the problems I've had with formatting (especially with my movie scenes blog). I promised Adrian Ossa that I'd give him a shout-out...thanks for all the feedback Adrian; I'm glad that my blogs provide you with a delicate fusion of entertainment and intellectual stimulation. As for the rest of you - sorry, you just aren't worthy. Do you seriously think I have the time to personally thank all of you? OF COURSE I HAVE THE TIME. Admit it; you thought I was being serious, haha. So, here's my attempt to thank everyone (besides the two guys I've already thanked) who follows my blog (even if you've only read one entry):
* Dean Pisani - If someone as lazy as you is bothered to follow my blog, then I must be doing something right. Oh wait, I just remembered; this blog isn't scho*ol-related.
* Peter Jewo - Glad you like my blogs...but I'm sorry that my colour scheme hurts your eyes.
* Pasquale Bugge - Don't know if you're a regular follower, but thanks for the feedback on my HSC blog. I'm glad it reached out to you.
* Jimmy Le - It's always refreshing when I hear some feedback from people I don't often speak to. Thanks Jimmy, your feedback means a lot.
* Jimmy Nguyen - Based on past conversations with you, I know that we think alike. That said, I can only assume that you enjoy my blog. Thanks for following!
* Benjamin Hua - Ben, you're one of my most consistent followers, and for that, I am grateful. Thanks for the constant acclaim.
* John Giang-Nguyen - You probably don't advocate me writing blogs during the HSC, but I know that you'll still read them. ;) Thanks man!
* Payam Sobbi - Thanks for the positive words. The fact that you follow my blog, despite not knowing me too well, is a testament to your great character.
* Peter Duc Nguyen - So, you think that I'm awesome, huh? Pfft, you're more awesome. ;)
* Michael Tran - The fact that one of my posts acts as a remedy for you is flattering to say the least. Thanks mate; you're a legend.
* Olivia Wolak - I remember you from primary school, and I've seen you at one or two parties before, but never really said "hi". Despite this, you've been a consistent follower of my blog, and one I'm honoured to have. Thanks.
* Antonio Panuccio - My favourite cynic. I haven't actually received any feedback from you to date, but seeing as you're a follower of mine, I can only assume that you've been keeping track of my entries. Thanks man.
* Dan Barnett - I don't know you too well man, but I'm glad to have you on-board.
* Sebastien Khouri - Although the only feedback I've had from you is negative, thanks nonetheless for reading what I had to say.
* Luis Esia - Thanks for the feedback on my movie scenes blog!
* Lucas Maganja - This guy. I know you'll always read what I have to say. Thanks Dad!
* John Marbo - I don't know how often you read my blog...between sleeping and watching movies. Thanks nonetheless!
* Marcus Bankowski - You're one of the most genuine people I know, hence an awesome guy to have reading my blog. Thanks man!
* Domenic Leonello - My fellow thinker. I hope this blog gives you a cheap thrill or two. Thanks for reading!
* Allan Szostak - You're a funny bloke Szostak. Glad to have you on-board!
Well...I THINK that's everyone, but if I have missed you, I'm really sorry - thanks for following; I sincerely appreciate it. Perhaps you follow my blog, but you haven't notified me yet. If that's you, then let me know! It's always nice to know that I have a new follower! You're probably wondering why I'm making such a big deal about all the support I've received. Well, there are times when I question whether I am valued by those around me. It generally seems that the most popular people are always the loud ones, the ones who listen to popular music, the ones who are invited to every party, the ones who drink alcohol and smoke, the ones who know how to mingle with the opposite sex. Judging by the way society works, I often doubt that anyone cares for the kid who lists Crowded House as his favourite band; who does crossword puzzles and plays online Scrabble; who prefers depressing drama films over action films; who considers grammar, punctuation and spelling when on the Internet. By writing about myself on this blog, and having people read it without me telling them to, it reminds me that people DO care about what I have to say. I thought that making this blog may have been a waste of time; that people would only read posts about sex and cars. I thank each and every one of you for changing that perspective of mine. I can go to bed tonight knowing that I am Steven Savona, and that I have people who care about me.
A massive thank you,
Steven
The title of my blog actually didn't come to me on the bus. I spent a good five minutes sitting in front of my computer screen, tossing up names. I couldn't think of anything that satisfied me, and so I settled with something that didn't satisfy me: Reflections of a Contemplative Mind. Don't get me wrong - I don't think it's a bad name for a blog, but it just sounds a bit clichéd. So I finished my first post, read over it, and then submitted it. My first post wasn't anything that special, but it wasn't intended to be. After all, it was just a post to give you a brief insight into my background - who I am, and what I'm here for. My second post explored one of my greatest passions - cinema. I know that some of you may not have watched the movie scenes I posted, but I understand that I can't cater for everyone; that's fine. My third post was in great contrast with its predecessor, as it was a lot more personal in nature. I didn't feel embarrassed to reveal anything about myself in that post, and in a way, I felt compelled to make a lot of those revelations. My next post was a long one, and I'm grateful if anyone read the whole thing. I voiced many strong beliefs about music, and this post gave me that wonderful feeling of getting something of your chest. My next blog, Truth, is perhaps my personal favourite. I felt a sense of peacefulness whilst writing it, and it got my creative juices flowing. I also feel that the length of this post is a nice length for a blog entry, although I know that I'll just about always exceed it. My blog about the HSC is the entry that has received the most feedback so far, and all of it has been positive. I think it provided some comfort to those who were stressing over the HSC. As for my latest blog: Formspring Trolls + the Notion of Self-pity, I wasn't too pleased with the finished product. The first half of it seems like a cry for attention, upon reflection. The second half has some merit, but I spent way too long writing it, drawing quite a few blanks. As for THIS blog entry, I hope it has the same type of vibe as The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular, although I realise it isn't as spectacular.
So, what do I think of being a blogger? I enjoy it quite a bit. It's a convenient refuge from the day's tedious happenings. Blogging is a great way of examining myself. I'm often analysing other people, so blogging gives me a chance to write about myself, and then critique my overall persona. The fact that I blog daily means that I'll always have something to look forward to. I get bored a lot at home, and I've always believed that you can tolerate almost any degree of boredom in life, as long as you have something to look forward to. I've written most of my blogs close to midnight, and I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe it's because Facebook is dead around that time, haha.
Now for the part you've all been waiting for...the part where I thank you all for being such wonderful followers. Despite only having three official followers (Olivia, Antonio and Danny), it seems that I've developed a cult following. I think my biggest thank you goes to Danny Nguyen. *Ponders whether to keep writing in third-person, or switch to second-person to make things more personal.* I'll switch to second-person. Thank you so much Danny, for being a supporter from day one, for the consistent feedback, and for all the time you've taken to fix the problems I've had with formatting (especially with my movie scenes blog). I promised Adrian Ossa that I'd give him a shout-out...thanks for all the feedback Adrian; I'm glad that my blogs provide you with a delicate fusion of entertainment and intellectual stimulation. As for the rest of you - sorry, you just aren't worthy. Do you seriously think I have the time to personally thank all of you? OF COURSE I HAVE THE TIME. Admit it; you thought I was being serious, haha. So, here's my attempt to thank everyone (besides the two guys I've already thanked) who follows my blog (even if you've only read one entry):
* Dean Pisani - If someone as lazy as you is bothered to follow my blog, then I must be doing something right. Oh wait, I just remembered; this blog isn't scho*ol-related.
* Peter Jewo - Glad you like my blogs...but I'm sorry that my colour scheme hurts your eyes.
* Pasquale Bugge - Don't know if you're a regular follower, but thanks for the feedback on my HSC blog. I'm glad it reached out to you.
* Jimmy Le - It's always refreshing when I hear some feedback from people I don't often speak to. Thanks Jimmy, your feedback means a lot.
* Jimmy Nguyen - Based on past conversations with you, I know that we think alike. That said, I can only assume that you enjoy my blog. Thanks for following!
* Benjamin Hua - Ben, you're one of my most consistent followers, and for that, I am grateful. Thanks for the constant acclaim.
* John Giang-Nguyen - You probably don't advocate me writing blogs during the HSC, but I know that you'll still read them. ;) Thanks man!
* Payam Sobbi - Thanks for the positive words. The fact that you follow my blog, despite not knowing me too well, is a testament to your great character.
* Peter Duc Nguyen - So, you think that I'm awesome, huh? Pfft, you're more awesome. ;)
* Michael Tran - The fact that one of my posts acts as a remedy for you is flattering to say the least. Thanks mate; you're a legend.
* Olivia Wolak - I remember you from primary school, and I've seen you at one or two parties before, but never really said "hi". Despite this, you've been a consistent follower of my blog, and one I'm honoured to have. Thanks.
* Antonio Panuccio - My favourite cynic. I haven't actually received any feedback from you to date, but seeing as you're a follower of mine, I can only assume that you've been keeping track of my entries. Thanks man.
* Dan Barnett - I don't know you too well man, but I'm glad to have you on-board.
* Sebastien Khouri - Although the only feedback I've had from you is negative, thanks nonetheless for reading what I had to say.
* Luis Esia - Thanks for the feedback on my movie scenes blog!
* Lucas Maganja - This guy. I know you'll always read what I have to say. Thanks Dad!
* John Marbo - I don't know how often you read my blog...between sleeping and watching movies. Thanks nonetheless!
* Marcus Bankowski - You're one of the most genuine people I know, hence an awesome guy to have reading my blog. Thanks man!
* Domenic Leonello - My fellow thinker. I hope this blog gives you a cheap thrill or two. Thanks for reading!
* Allan Szostak - You're a funny bloke Szostak. Glad to have you on-board!
Well...I THINK that's everyone, but if I have missed you, I'm really sorry - thanks for following; I sincerely appreciate it. Perhaps you follow my blog, but you haven't notified me yet. If that's you, then let me know! It's always nice to know that I have a new follower! You're probably wondering why I'm making such a big deal about all the support I've received. Well, there are times when I question whether I am valued by those around me. It generally seems that the most popular people are always the loud ones, the ones who listen to popular music, the ones who are invited to every party, the ones who drink alcohol and smoke, the ones who know how to mingle with the opposite sex. Judging by the way society works, I often doubt that anyone cares for the kid who lists Crowded House as his favourite band; who does crossword puzzles and plays online Scrabble; who prefers depressing drama films over action films; who considers grammar, punctuation and spelling when on the Internet. By writing about myself on this blog, and having people read it without me telling them to, it reminds me that people DO care about what I have to say. I thought that making this blog may have been a waste of time; that people would only read posts about sex and cars. I thank each and every one of you for changing that perspective of mine. I can go to bed tonight knowing that I am Steven Savona, and that I have people who care about me.
A massive thank you,
Steven
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Formspring Trolls + the Notion of Self-pity
I'm sure that most of you would know by now that I have a Formspring account. For those of you who don't know what Formspring is, I'll tell you now. It's a website where you can go to ask people questions, either anonymously or with your identity. If you have an account, people have the opportunity to ask you questions. Most questions are asked anonymously, of course. Now, during my time on Formspring, I've received plenty of questions and comments (but not as many as John Giang-Nguyen). Unfortunately, a lot of those questions and comments have been insults, directed at either me, or people close to me. The people who leave these insults are known as trolls. The comments made by these trolls range from harmless sexual comments (people saying that they want to do things with my penis), to criticisms of me as a person (mostly that I'm pretentious), to the worst of all - people being very aggressive towards me and even my family, leaving comments that are just vulgar and disgusting. Here's an example: "your great great grandmothers corpse feels so good around my cock." Earlier this year, things got very serious when one of my responses to a troll resulted in racial conflict. During that period, I didn't even feel safe walking past certain people from my grade. Not too long ago, a bunch of trolls attacked me over my visual arts major work mark, which I was less than pleased with. They kept making jokes about my artwork, and as a result, I was quite pissed off. I had a mental breakdown at school on the day I received my result, so their insensitive comments didn't help one bit. I would love to know who these gutless assholes are. They are low people...so low and pathetic that they spend their time putting someone else down over the Internet. Some of the comments I receive over Formspring make me lose faith in humanity. It saddens me to think that the perpetrators are people from the Year 12 2010 cohort at Pats. I really hope that these people are just bored strangers who stumbled across my page one day. What I want to know is WHY? Why the fuck do you trolls do it? What the fuck have I ever done to you? I'm not deserving of all this crap, and I happen to be a very nice person. These trolls need to know that their words can, and often do hurt. They may think it's a joke, but they have no idea how it feels to be on the receiving end. Some people would have committed suicide by now, but not me...I don't believe in that. If any of my trolls are reading this, then I doubt this post will mean anything to them. They will most likely carry on with their cowardly ways, without any signs of empathy. Oh well, they will fail at life. For ANYONE who is reading this - if you have any suspicions about who the trolls on my Formspring may be, please let me know. I want these fuckers to be found out. Thank you.
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It's time to share my thoughts on the emotion that is self-pity. Before I divulge my thoughts on the topic, I advise you all to watch this short clip, featuring some wise words by the wonderful Stephen Fry:
Powerful; isn't it?
The reason why I chose to discuss this emotion in this post is because some of the comments I receive on Formspring make me pity myself. I know that they shouldn't, but sadly, they do. Thankfully, I stumbled across the above video, and since I did, my feelings of self-pity aren't as strong. The reason why some of the Formspring insults make me pity myself is because I cannot think of a reason why I should receive them. As far as I know, no-one else who's close to me receives the same type of comments on Formspring, and thus I feel targeted. What Fry says about self-pity is correct: it only makes matters worse, because it doesn't actually solve anything. I could pity myself for days on end, but it wouldn't lift me out of my sorrows. A bad case of self-pity could lead me to thinking I'm not worthy of helping anyone else. It's just a massive indicator of inner weakness and insecurity. My problems with trolls on Formspring are insignificant compared to some of the evil acts committed around the world. I have it lucky compared to so many people. Still, it's so easy to fall into a state of self-pity, because the individual is in complete control of how much he/she pities himself/herself. You often encounter those people who say "I understand where you're coming from", in an attempt to make you feel comfortable. Most of the time, they actually don't understand, and that phrase is some generic line that they spit out to everyone else who's not feeling well. Hey, I'll be honest and say that I've used that phrase a few times, and I've never felt as though I'm helping when I've used it. The worst situation of all is when you feel as though someone should be pitying you, but that pity never comes, and you feel it's almost necessary to pity yourself. I've been in that situation a few times, and it's not pretty. For those guys in my grade...do you remember how we had to do that group activity at the Year 12 Retreat, where we sat in groups and shared our answers to questions on a sheet? Well, we had to complete this sentence: When someone hurts me, my immediate reaction is to... I answered 'wallow in self-pity'. Looking back on that, I now realise that self-pity would only intensify the hurt. So...what's the solution to self-pity? I would say ignorance - if you feel that you are the victim of undeserved taunts, or feel that you could have done something better, don't dwell on it. Put it behind you instead, and do something that you know you'll succeed at, something you know you'll be appreciated for, and most importantly, something that will restore your faith in yourself.
Thanks for reading,
Steven
The HSC - A Test of Knowledge? I Don't Think So.
FUCK THE HSC.
That's right; fuck it.
I'm feeling rather relaxed as of late. Sure, the HSC starts on Friday for me, but still...I don't feel like panicking. For the last week or so, I've seen numerous status updates on Facebook from students who are clearly stressed from doing a mountain of study. I advise those people to take it a bit easier on themselves. A head full of anxious thoughts is not what you want to be taking into an exam. I'll admit that I should be spending more time studying, but the ability to study doesn't come naturally. In all honesty, I don't think I've done more than 2.5 hours of study a day since graduating. Never in my life have I written a practice essay by free will (only ones that teachers have demanded). I just can't do past papers. At most, I will do some practice multiple choice questions, but short answers and extended responses are out of the question. I just don't have the drive. It literally amazes me how the top students can muster up the enthusiasm to do past papers. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with doing past papers, and in all honesty, doing them will most likely help. My study consists of making notes according to the syllabus for each of my subjects (excluding English, maths and visual arts), and then reading over those notes in the days (not weeks) leading up to my exam for that particular subject. Pretty plain and simple, but it's what I prefer.
Originally, I wasn't going to write a blog about my opinions on the HSC. I thought it may have been a clichéd topic. I eventually decided that I would because I am sick to death of people placing expectations on me. Allow me to make an admission: I am NOT an academic person. Sure, I may be smart, but my main strength lies in articulation. I have this...gift of being able to write in a manner which comes across clearly and cohesively. I have a good control of language, that is. I also have a vast general knowledge that would serve me well if I appeared on a game show in the future. I've always said that I have a 'quiz show brain'. A lot of the HSC academics forget about something called 'emotional intelligence'. They may remember everything they read in some textbook, but inside, they are almost wooden or mechanic. I don't even want to be an academic person. Don't you just hate that student who falls short of full marks by ONE mark, and then chucks a tantrum, in an attempt to gain that extra mark? It's reasons like that why I'm glad to be smart in a non-academic sense. Fuck competition. Seriously, I can't stand seeing two or more people hold a grudge against one another because their ranks are close together. Oh, and then there are those students who you see chatting to teachers almost every recess and lunch. For fuck's sake! Go and hang out with your friends! You see, this behaviour stems from the joke that is the HSC.
Now for my thoughts on the fairness of the HSC as a series of exams. The HSC is NOT an adequate test of knowledge. It's a test of who can study the most, and who can subsequently memorise the most. The top kids go so well because they memorise essays to regurgitate during their exams. How is that testing your knowledge? I secretly laugh inside whenever the chosen medium of creative writing for an English exam is something other than a short story, because I realise that most students in the room prepared a story to regurgitate. Writing speed is another issue. A quick hand should not be taken for granted. Writing speed has always been my downfall in exams. It's not time management, since I know when I should be starting and finishing certain sections, and generally stick to those times. It's just that I literally CANNOT GLIDE MY HAND ACROSS THE PAGE FAST ENOUGH. I am left-handed, which is why I probably struggle with that component. Oh yeah, it bugs me when people think they've written the best essay in the grade, just because it's 8+ pages. They usually reach that amount of pages by writing three words per line in incomprehensible handwriting (well, towards the end, at least). I prefer the modest option - writing four to five pages in writing that is legible. I rarely get to five pages; it's usually three and a half. Oh, and most of the knowledge that is acquired during the HSC will hardly ever be used in 'the real world'. Fuck, why do we learn three-quarters of the things we learn in maths? WHEN THE FUCK WILL I NEED TO USE SIMPSON'S RULE? I'm not saying that Simpson's Rule is challenging. It's piss easy, but still, what's the relevance of it to our lives? And yes, I do General Mathematics, for those who were wondering. The English syllabus should focus on teaching grammar and punctuation all the way up to Year 12, rather than only being about the analysis of texts. Seriously, I see some pretty shocking mistakes from some of the guys in my grade, from both Standard and Advanced English.
My top preference for university is Bachelor of Arts in Communication (Journalism) at UTS, requiring an ATAR of 94.05. If I attain that ATAR, even via bonus points, I will consider it an absolute miracle, considering how poorly I study. I expect an ATAR anywhere from the late 70s to the mid-80s. If I get below the late 70s, I will feel as though I could have done better, but it won't sink me into a state of irreversible depression. I don't come from a successful family. Both of my parents dropped out of school before Year 12, and my brother was a Year 10 dropout. For all I know, I could be the first one in my family to go to university. No-one in my family places expectations on me. My mum never forces me to do anything; she just wants me to be happy. Life goes on after the HSC, and as my friend Lucas often says"It all works out in the end." Maybe the resolution won't be perfect, but over time, you'll come to accept it, and you'll probably even like it. For the people who have their sights fixed on an ATAR in the late 90s, I wish you luck, but don't be crushed if you fail to reach that target. Success and fortune isn't everything in life. Be grateful that you have a roof over your head, that there's food in your pantry, that you have a family that loves you. The HSC is a microcosmic speck on the canvas that is life. The most important things in your life are yet to come. None of us truly know what life in the real world is like, but I can assure you that it's not always going to be an easy ride.
Well, that just about does it for this post. For those Year 12 students reading this, I wish you the best of luck with your exams, and if you feel as though you're crumbling under pressure by doing a lot of study, then I suggest you put a good DVD on. Just do it - it's only the HSC.
Regards,
Steven
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Truth
“The truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end; there it is.”
~ Winston Churchill
I know that many of you are probably wondering what this entry is going to be about, since the title is rather vague. I didn't want to come up with some elaborate title - that would contradict what I'm blogging about. This blog is about truth, or more specifically, why I value truth so much, and why I think truth is the most beautiful thing in the world.
To me, truth does not only refer to cold, hard facts. Truth stretches beyond the fact that 1 + 1 = 2, or that the capital of Germany is Berlin. There's truth in death. We were all born, we are currently living, and one day, we will die. Our bodies will decompose and we'll eventually turn to dust. That's a depressing truth, but it's there nonetheless. No; I'm not an emo - I'm just a realist (with a hint of cynicism). I think that there's something beautifully tragic about searching for answers to life. Excuse me if I sound nihilistic, but that's my opinion. There's so much truth in tears, whether they be of sadness or joy. They just about always flow involuntarily, unless you're an actor, but even still, there are some actors who are overwrought by emotion when shooting a powerful scene. There's truth in rejection, in heartbreak, in sabotage...in suicide. You're probably wondering why I find all of this truth so beautiful. It's because it reminds us that we're living. I have lived through 6,478 days since I was born, and most of them have been uneventful. With most days, we wake up, stay at home, then go to bed at the end of it. When something tragic happens, it awakens us and makes us take action. It makes us feel things. Sometimes we are introduced to new emotions, but that's healthy for the human condition. Now...I'm not a complete pessimist, and I see the truth and subsequent beauty in times of joy too. There's truth in a father taking his son to McDonald's because his team won the grand final in a football competition. There's truth in the dust that floats down to the floor when you remove a forgotten childhood novel from a bookshelf. There's truth in the private fist pumps that no-one else sees after you've accomplished some gargantuan task. In essence, the truth that I have discussed in this paragraph is found in the crevices that are tucked away in the cosy corners of life. Sometimes the truth isn't that subtle. It may even creep up on you without you even noticing. Fundamentally, truth is being born, living, and eventually dying.
Now it's time to talk about truth, as in "the opposite of lies." Don't lie to me; just don't. Please. I find it very disrespectful. When I find out that someone has told me a lie, I feel disappointed, as though I haven't earned someone's trust. And trust me, I generally will find out. I don't care if the truth is harsh, because knowing a harsh truth beats falling for a fabricated lie, only to discover it was false, later down the track. Isn't it so much easier to be truthful? Mark Twain once comically remarked "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." That statement is so true. A liar only makes matters more difficult for himself/herself. What particularly annoys me are those people who lie to simply advance themselves past their counterparts, or those who lie because they know they've committed an act of wrong, but are too gutless to cop the consequences. Lying for the sake of a prank is excusable, as long as it's all in good fun, and you know that the person on the receiving end would take it that way as well. Another type of lie that is often excusable is the lie told when one fears embarrassment. I mean, if a guy was to ask his friends "Which girl do you like the most at this party?" some of his friends would feel too shy to reveal their answer, and they have the right to keep the answer to themselves. Of course, people generally tell lies because they feel insecure with themselves. They're afraid to be their true selves, because they are terrified of what they might say. My final piece of advice for you all is to substitute lying with concealment whenever possible. That is; don't go around telling people something completely untrue to cover up something in your life. Instead, don't tell them anything at all, and your secret should remain safe.
Thanks for reading; 'twas a pleasure to write,
Steven
My Thoughts on Today's 'Music'
Year 10 History - My teacher, Mr Bobin, taught the class how to write an exposition properly. Our homework that night was to write an exposition. Sounds pretty boring, but because Mr Bobin is so bloody awesome, he allowed us to pick ANY topic we desired (it didn't even have to relate to history). I chose to write an exposition for the point 70s and 80s music is better than today's music. Looking back now, I could have chosen a better title, and should have substituted '70s and 80s music' for 'the music of yesteryear'. One boring lunchtime, I decided that I would take my history exercise book out of my school-bag and read the exposition to my friends. Surprisingly, they were eager to listen. Even more surprising was the fact that I received a round of applause once I had finished it - one that was free of sarcasm. A few days later, I typed it up on my computer and saved the file as 'The best thing I ever wrote', which is actually grammatically incorrect. It should be 'The best thing I've ever written'. That shows how much I've improved since Year 10, not that I was a poor English student back then. So, my blog today will basically be that exposition, copied straight from Microsoft Word. There are a few flaws in it, but keep in mind that this was a homework task that I had one night to work on. I'll also add some extra comments below the exposition.
70s and 80s Music is Better than Today’s Music
The music of the 1970s and primarily the 1980s is better than today’s music, mainly the genres of techno, dance, electro, RnB, hip hop and rap. Not only is it more pleasing to listen to, but the themes are deeper.
You turn on the radio today to a mainstream station and you are immediately bombarded with tedious tunes reeking of monotony. Yet why do so many of today’s teenagers live by this music? Two words – Sex sells. Unfortunately, today’s music is packed to the rafters with blatant, indiscreet and clichéd sexual undertones. Songs from the 80s period advocate true romance, straight from the heart. They are easy to listen to and are not headache-inducing.
There is nothing wrong with sexual references in moderation, but when the song is centralised on sex, you have to stop and think to yourself, ‘Is this talented song-writing?’ Back in the 80s, music was a competition to see which artist had the better voice. Today, music is a competition to quite frankly see who can look more promiscuous in their video clips and whose lyrics arouse the most teenagers. The sad truth is, for most teens, they would only recognise the word ‘promiscuous’ because it is the name of a 2006 Nelly Furtado dance-pop song.
Today’s society’s fad of techno music is setting a very bad example for future generations. There is a major difference between skill and talent. Talent, in most cases comes naturally, and cannot be taught. You need a great deal of talent to perfect playing a musical instrument. You don’t require talent to work a synthesiser, that is, a DJ’s most prized possession. Sure, you undeniably require a whole heap of skill, no doubt about it. But at the end of the day, there is a fine line between skill and talent.
In terms of lyrics, the majority of today’s songs lack any depth in originality and intellect. Take artists such as Sir Elton John and Phil Collins for example. The majority of Elton John’s songs were written by Bernie Taupin, a close collaborator of Elton’s, with Elton writing the melodies. Phil Collins wrote the majority of his songs. Both of these legends’ lyrics are beautiful, in some ways a form of poetry. Now compare their songs to let’s say Katy Perry’s ‘I Kissed a Girl’, a song that is very familiar with today’s teens. Perry’s chorus is one-dimensional and on the whole an unnecessary statement on her behalf. Sure, she kissed a girl and she liked it. Honestly, does the whole world need to know that?!
The reason today’s teenage society is engulfed in this mind-numbing mess they call ‘music’ is because the majority of the ‘Generation Y’ teens are too afraid to challenge the mainstream and go against the trend. They may believe that they will be picked on if they choose to follow music from the past three decades. This is very unfortunate because it often leads to oppression of the real person behind them.
By ‘today’s music’, I actually mean ‘today’s prominent genres’. There is still a wide variety of thriving artists out there today, with music that awakens your senses. The sad truth is that these are the artists which go unnoticed, lurking in the shadows of overpaid, less-talented artists who keep serving their oblivious audiences with songs that echo mediocrity. You see, the greatest artists today aren’t the ones raking in the cash because their song is number one on all the major music charts in the world, but the ones who sit alone in their private studio at home, playing their heart out on their favourite instrument for hours at end, or those who sing their original compositions over and over again until their vocal cords exhaust. These are the real musical heroes of today.
In conclusion, society is changing at an alarming rate and new trends are emerging in rapid succession, but if these trends are sending out the wrong messages to future generations, then there’s no use in following them. Sure, it’s inevitable that while years are passing, artists will have to delve into a world of hackneyed premises and clichés, but that’s no excuse for producing such nonsensical garbage, that is today’s music.
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So...there it is. If I was to write this again, I would change a few things. Like I said earlier, I wouldn't restrict the periods of 'good music' to the 70s and 80s. Secondly, I would change my examples of good songwriters from Bernie Taupin and Phil Collins to Neil Finn and Paul McCartney/John Lennon. In Year 10, I liked the band Crowded House (headed by Finn) to a fair degree, but little did I know that they would become my favourite band one year later. The next thing that I would change is the amount of emphasis I placed on love songs. A song does not have to be about love to be considered deep and meaningful. I also said that "Back in the 80s, music was a competition to see which artist had the better voice." Two years have passed, and I have realised that music was and is WAY more than that. I think that's about all for my exposition amendments.
Now for some additional thoughts on today's music. The majority of today's music disgusts me, and it baffles me how most of today's youth endorses it, and actually LIKES it. My theory is that the youth of today will buy anything that hits number one on the charts. I wouldn't even be surprised if they all downloaded a piece of classical music, if some composer miraculously revitalised the genre. Would you like to know what I think of Ke$ha? Well, I'll tell you. SHE'S A TALENTLESS WHORE! "Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy." Seriously, what the FUCK does that even MEAN?
Repetition is another bad habit that many modern 'artists' have fallen into. Take Taio Cruz's song Dynamite, for example. Here's the opening verse of that song:
I came to dance, dance, dance, dance
I hit the floor
'Cause that's my, plans, plans, plans, plans
I'm wearing all my favourite
Brands, brands, brands, brands
Give me space for both my hands, hands, hands, hands
You, you
Cause it goes on and on and on
And it goes on and on and on
I hit the floor
'Cause that's my, plans, plans, plans, plans
I'm wearing all my favourite
Brands, brands, brands, brands
Give me space for both my hands, hands, hands, hands
You, you
Cause it goes on and on and on
And it goes on and on and on
If Cruz thinks that he's trendy by repeating a word four times, then he is disillusioned - big time. How about you actually learn some words and arrange them in a proper sentence, Mr. Cruz?
Now, I know that a lot of you are reading this now, thinking "Fuck, this guy's a huge fag. He takes music too seriously. Music doesn't have to mean anything." I seriously don't care if you like Dynamite or not. A lot of people may listen to such songs because the beat makes them feel good. But for some people, that's the ONLY reason they listen to music, and I believe that they are doing themselves a great disservice. Oh, and I CAN'T FUCKING STAND when people say that some song by Ke$ha, Flo Rida, etc. is the 'best'. No; it's not the 'best'. Hey, it may be your 'favourite', but please, don't embarrass yourself by preaching to everyone that it's the 'best'.
Have you ever wondered why The Beatles have remained so popular, even though they broke up in 1970? It's because their music was so influential and groundbreaking for their time. It's because they had talent. It's because they actually played instruments. It's because they had two of the greatest songwriters of all time in Paul McCartney and John Lennon. Listen to their song Across the Universe. Go on; do it.
It's not even one of my favourite Beatles songs, but I still contend that it's one of the most beautiful songs ever written. I suggest you look up the lyrics to that song as well. Now, if you look ahead to about 50 years, I'm sure no-one will be talking about Justin Bieber or T-Pain, because they haven't done anything revolutionary for the music world. I'm telling you, modern music is all about who or what is more popular...and it fucking sucks.
Another thing which saddens me is the fact that just about any hip hop, rap [insert other lousy genres] or dance-pop song can garner millions upon millions of views on YouTube, yet the classics do not even come close. The song Low by Flo Rida (one of the worst songs I've ever heard) has 20,843,612 views on YouTube. But wait! That's only for ONE uploaded video. If you do a YouTube search for 'flo rida low', you will notice that several users have uploaded the song, and just about each user has attracted at least a million views. In comparison, the song Into Temptation by Crowded House only has 298,808 views for its most popular video. Now, I don't care if this sounds judgemental or biased, but Into Temptation is the FAR superior song of the two, in pretty much all aspects. If anyone disagrees with me, I invite them to bring forth their argument. Here's Into Temptation:
Oh well, that's all I have to say on this topic. It sure did feel good to get all of that off of my chest. I know that I may have appeared very one-sided, but then again, I do raise some valid points. This is a topic that I'm very passionate about, which is why this is quite a lengthy post. Anyway, I hope that I have inspired some of you to listen to some proper music, and if I haven't, then I guess I've just wasted my time. Hopefully, some of you already knew of [and listened to] such artists as Crowded House, The Beatles and Elton John before you even read this post. By the way, I will not be the least bit surprised if this post makes me the target of a lot of hate. But oh well, that's just another burden for me to bear, and I wouldn't have been so explicit in my opinions if I wasn't willing to cop some animosity as a result.
Take care and happy listening,
Steven
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