Sunday, October 17, 2010


We cannot discard our emotions. A lot of people only tend to notice their emotions when they are at extremes - either at the height of ecstasy, or during complete and utter devastation. We often don't realise that our daily lives are filled with a vast array of emotions. Right now, as I type this blog, I am expressing my enthusiasm to write, both for myself and for others.

The format of this blog is as follows:
On Wikipedia, there is a list of human emotions. I will be listing each of these emotions and their definitions, and next to each one, I will recall a time in my life when I experienced that emotion to a great extent. I will not include experiences where someone has shown a particular emotion towards me. Now, my elaborations on each emotion will be brief, as I have 75 emotions to get through. Never knew there were that many, did you? 

Affection (fond attachment, devotion, or love)It is generally accepted that there are two types of affection. There's the type of affection that a mother shows her newborn child, then there's the affection between two lovers - kissing, hugging, etc. I cannot relate to this emotion very well. I'm afraid I'll have to skip it.
Ambivalence (uncertainty or fluctuation, esp. when caused by inability to make a choice or by a simultaneousdesire to say or do two opposite or conflicting things) - Many of you will gasp at this revelation. Some of you may already know this about me. The truth is that I was originally planning to leave school at the end of Year 10. That's right. It's what my brother did (although his behaviour was not up to scratch, and he didn't care for the academic component of school), and for whatever reason, my mum wanted me to do the same, despite the fact that she knew (and knows) of my capabilities. I was seriously considering it, but within three days of being in Year 10, I changed my mind. I felt that my life would feel somewhat incomplete if I did not continue my schooling. It's a decision that I'll never regret.
Anger (a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath; ire) - What I'm about to recall is not the moment in my life where I've been most angry (I can't think of that time), but it is a moment that I felt angry, nonetheless. It was either late 2005 or early 2006. The location was Fairfield McDonald's, and it was after school on a Thursday. There were a few other guys from my grade there. Anyway, I ordered a large Quarter Pounder Meal, received my food, then grabbed a seat. When I sat down, I realised they had given me a Big Mac instead of a Quarter Pounder. So, I left my fries and drink at my table, and took the burger back to replace it. Meanwhile, some of the other guys from my grade who were there began stealing my fries. I can vividly remember Andre Martino being the main culprit. When I got back to my table and noticed that three-quarters of my fries had been taken, I raged it, thus causing a scene for everyone to see.
Angst (a feeling of dread, anxiety, or anguish) - I used to feel a sense of angst at primary school, whenever it was time for annual swimming lessons. I was never a confident swimmer, and I used to hate being at the pools for those supposedly compulsory lessons. From the moment I received the permission slip, to the moment I took my final stroke, I was feeling rather uneasy.
Annoyance (an unpleasant mental state that is characterised by such effects as irritation and distraction from one's conscious thinking) - Whenever flies buzz around me, or when someone nearby is clicking a pen. Argh!
Anticipation (pleasure in considering some expected or longed-for good event, or irritation at having to wait) - I am gleefully anticipating the end of the HSC! Once it is over, I will no longer feel constricted.
Anxiety (distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune) - The night that I realised I had idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura (ITP) - a condition caused by a low platelet count. It was just past midnight, and I looked in the mirror to realise that I had broken out in red spots. I had been sick for the whole week with a severe cough. When I realised that I had bleeding gums, I knew that something was wrong. I was scared that I may have had meningococcal disease. I woke my mum up, and within twenty minutes, I was at Fairfield Hospital, and was soon transferred to the Children's Hospital at Westmead, where I stayed the night (but didn't get any sleep). It was one of the scariest nights/mornings of my life. I'll never forget June of 2007.
Apathy (absence or suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement) - Whenever I procrastinate by staring at my computer screen. I don't read anything...I just stare blankly.
Awe (an overwhelming feeling of reverence, admiration, fear, etc., produced by that which is grand, sublime,extremely powerful, or the like) - During the Year 10 History excursion to the Australian War Memorial, I stood on this elevated walkway that joined the gift shop to a part of the museum. There was a strong breeze blowing, and the sky was overcast. I had a perfect view of Parliament House in the distance, and the road that leads to it. For some reason, it inspired the most profound feeling of awe within me. I stood still and soaked up the moment for at least three minutes. I felt like a Romanticist.

Boredom (an emotional state experienced during periods lacking activity or when individuals are uninterested in their surroundings) - The Patrician Brothers Bicentenary Mass in 2008. *Snores*.

Compassion (a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering) - This is somewhat concerning, but I can't think of a moment in my life where I have been truly compassionate. Skipping this one. 
Confusion (loss of orientation sometimes accompanied by disordered consciousness and often memory) - This emotion does not refer to the state of being baffled, or not understanding something. Rather, it refers to 'mental confusion', which I have never experienced. 
Contempt (the feeling with which a person regards anything considered mean, vile, or worthless; disdain; scorn) - I have contempt for the people who troll my Formspring.  
Contentment (the experience of satisfaction and being at ease in one's situation) - I am content with living in the house that I live in. Sure, it's small, and has quite a few imperfections, but it has been the place I've called home for my whole life, and I have a sentimental attachment to it. 
Courage (the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery) - In kindergarten, my class had to receive injections (for the flu I think). Anyway, I was the only kid who didn't cry whilst getting their needle, and I was rewarded with a jelly bean, or a similar lolly.
Curiosity (the desire to learn or know about anything; inquisitiveness) - When I was younger, I always had this burning curiosity to find out what my parents kept in their drawers. It was mostly a bunch of photographs...but one time, I found some condoms: OLD condoms (unused), and another time, I found an erotic novel. Disturbing.

Desire (to wish or long for; crave; want) - As a child, my greatest desire was to have my very own wrestling ring in my backyard. I used to be a huge professional wrestling fan. I never got that ring, but it was something to fantasise about, more than anything.
Disappointment (the feeling of dissatisfaction that follows the failure of expectations to manifest) - I was speechless after seeing the Broncos beat the Eels 30-26 in 2008. The scores were level with ten seconds to go until golden point extra time, and then Darren Lockyer put in a deft kick for Denan Kemp to score the winning try.
Disgust (a strong distaste; nausea; loathing) - I find it really repulsive when I see people spit in public.
Doubt (a feeling of uncertainty about the truth, reality, or nature of something) - I doubt that most TV evangelists believe a word of what they preach.

Ecstasy (a subjective experience of total involvement of the subject, with an object of his or her awareness) - Hmm, this is a tricky one...I'm skipping it.
Embarrassment (an emotional state experienced upon having a socially or professionally unacceptable act or condition witnessed by or revealed to others) - The last time that I pissed my pants at school was in Year 4. That's a bit late to be pissing your pants at school, which is why it was so damn embarrassing for me. It was during English groups, and the whole class knew about it. I had to go and get a spare pair of shorts from the office.
Empathy (the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another) - I empathise with the character Seymour from the movie Ghost World. I see elements of him within myself.
Emptiness (a sense of generalised boredom, social alienation and apathy) - I generally feel empty when I arrive home at the end of a fun and eventful day out.
Enthusiasm (absorbing or controlling possession of the mind by any interest or pursuit; lively interest) - When I was younger (5-6), I had a great passion for reading those Little Golden Books. I could stay in my room all day and read them if I had to. I think that habit led to my interest in language and writing.
Envy (a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc.) - I used to envy my brother because he was more popular than me (and still is). More friends, more phone calls, more outings, more recognition. As I've grown up alongside him, I've come to realise that I will have my fair share of popularity...eventually.
Euphoria (a feeling of happiness, confidence, or well-being sometimes exaggerated in pathological states as mania) - I miss that euphoric feeling of waking up on Christmas Day to a stack of presents under the Christmas tree.

Fear (a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid) - My biggest fear is death - the fact that those close to me will someday die, and the fact that I will eventually join them. I don't believe in an afterlife, only eternal unconsciousness. I put it down to my father for making me fear death so much. I still remember him talking to me alone when I was about 9 years old. He told me how much he feared death, and then he began crying, saying "I don't want to die, son." I'll never forget that conversation we had, or the way that it made me feel.
Frustration (the feeling that accompanies an experience of being thwarted in attaining your goals) - It was Year 7, and I was playing Tee Ball for sport on a Thursday afternoon. It was my turn to swing the bat, and because I was rather uncoordinated on that day, I couldn't hit the ball off the tee. After my seventh swing, I still hadn't hit the ball, and was subsequently made to sit down. What made it especially frustrating was the fact that Christian Hernandez was screaming out "UNCO!" every time I missed the ball. 

Gratification (the pleasurable emotional reaction of happiness in response to a fulfillment of a desire or the fulfillment of a goal) - The day that I found the movie Repossessed sitting on a shelf at Big W. It's a rare movie, so it's not often seen in stores. The movie itself is quite bad (it's a spoof of The Exorcist), but I was so intrigued to watch it. When I found it, Marbo and I exploded into a fit of hysterical laughter. We must have looked insane to everyone around us.
Gratitude (a positive emotion or attitude in acknowledgment of a benefit that one has received or will receive) - Whenever I receive positive feedback about my blogs, I am extremely grateful that people take the time to read them.
Grief (keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret) - The day that my grandfather, Peter Rizzo, died. The 27th of September, 2004. There was a phone call, and I knew what it would be about. It was from the hospital; he had passed away. I never got to say goodbye. He was my last living grandparent.
Guilt (a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined) - I feel guilty for putting a friend of mine through so much hurt during Year 10 and Year 11. He knows who he is; I'm sorry.

Happiness (a state of mind or feeling characterised by contentment, love, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy) - I was immensely happy when the Eels defeated the Bulldogs to get to last year's NRL grand final. It sounds superficial, and that's because it kinda is. Being a first-hand witness made it all the more special.
Hatred (the feeling of one who hates; intense dislike or extreme aversion or hostility) - I absolutely LOATHE people who are cruel to animals. 
Homesickness (the distress or impairment caused by an actual or anticipated separation from the specific home environment or attachment objects) - For three consecutive years, I spent a week away with my friend Dean Pisani and his family up at Port Stephens (and one year at Forster). They were good times, but from time to time, I would get a feeling of homesickness. I've never told you this, Dean, but it's the truth.
Hope (the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best) - I am constantly hoping that society will fix itself; that people will realise how insensitive their actions are; that people will stop blindly conforming to the mainstream.
Hostility (a hostile state, condition, or attitude; enmity; antagonism; unfriendliness) - I believe it was Year 3, 2001. It was around the time that you could get those Digimon holograms in chip packets. There was this kid called Anthony Obeid. The two of us had a Frigimon hologram. For some reason, I asked if I could swap my one for his one, all in the name of fun. It wasn't long until I realised that his had a scratch on it. Being a neat freak (which I still am), I couldn't stand this, so I asked to have my original one back, which was in mint condition. The bastard wouldn't give it back. I tried chasing him around the 'paddock', as it was called at my primary school. I caught him, but couldn't retrieve the hologram. It crushed me. I went home and even cried about it. I never got it back.
Humiliation (the abasement of pride, which creates mortification or leads to a state of being humbled or reduced to lowliness or submission) - My first serious 'teacher crush' was in Year 3, over Miss Pagano (some of you boys may remember her). Anyway, I unwisely told a few people about my crush on her, and it didn't take long for word to spread. One day, during class, Holly Booker and another girl (possibly Taylor Balk) began making mock invitations for a fictitious wedding between Miss Pagano and I. Anyway, the girls stuck one of the invitations to the whiteboard using magnets. I was fuming. I got out of my seat, went up to the board, and snatched the invitation. I ripped it up in front of the whole class, and yelled at the top of my lungs "LEAVE ME ALONE! STOP DOING THIS TO ME!", or something along those lines. My teacher, Miss Kelly, was worried. She looked at me with a sincere, frozen expression and said "Just calm down Steven; calm down."
Hysteria (an uncontrollable outburst of emotion or fear, often characterized by irrationality, laughter,weeping, etc.) - Hmm, I don't think I can relate to this one. Oh well, on to the next emotion.

Interest (the feeling of a person whose attention, concern, or curiosity is particularly engaged by something) - As a child, I had an obsessive interest in looking under rocks in my backyard. I was always intrigued to see what insects were hiding underneath. 

Jealousy (jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself) - I'm jealous of anyone who was old enough to appreciate or attend Crowded House's Farewell to the World concert in 1996. I'm happy for them, but also slightly jealous. 

Limerence (a cognitive and emotional state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterised by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship) - Oh no, I don't want to talk about this one.
Loneliness (a feeling in which people experience a strong sense of emptiness and solitude) - One time, I got locked in Myer at Liverpool. It was only for about two minutes, then I went to someone who worked there, and they solved my dilemma by leading me out via an alternate exit. Awkward.
Love (a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person) - I have never loved anyone in a romantic sense, but I love my mum, my brother...and even my dad, despite the fact that his love for me hasn't always been evident. I also love Uncle Pete. As for my other relatives, I haven't had enough opportunities to truly appreciate them.

Lust (intense sexual desire or appetite) - Too many times to list. Every time I watch pornography, for one.

Mono no aware (the awareness of 'mujo' or the transience of things and a bittersweet sadness at their passing) - I can't recall a specific moment in my life where I have felt this emotion, but I am definitely aware that all living things will eventually die. It's a depressing thought, but so is eternal life, in a sense. In fact, the very notion of eternity depresses the fuck out of me. 

Nostalgia (a wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in one's life, to one's home or homeland, or to one's family and friends; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time) - I miss the days when my parents were together. I miss the days of sleeping at my grandparents' house on Friday nights. I miss the days when I was content with only a Happy Meal. I miss primary school. I miss the days when my brother had time to hang out with me. My nostalgia will be in full swing this Friday, when I go to the St. Gertrude's Fete. I haven't been in years. Can't wait! 

Optimism (a disposition or tendency to look on the more favorable side of events or conditions and toexpect the most favorable outcome) - Right now, I'm trying to remain optimistic that the Modern History HSC exam will NOT be the death of me.

Panic (a sudden overwhelming fear, with or without cause, that produces hysterical or irrational behavior, and that often spreads quickly through a group of persons or animals) - The split second before I stacked it on a bike whilst riding with Alex, Ralph and Diego. No serious injuries, just a bit of blood.
Patience (the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like) - Whenever I cap my Internet, I must be patient until the first day of the next month.
Passion (any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate) - The English language and cinema.
Pessimism (the tendency to see, anticipate, or emphasise only bad or undesirable outcomes, results, conditions, problems, etc.) - I always assume that people don't enjoy interacting with me, even though most people appear to enjoy it, or at least tolerate it.
Pity (sympathetic or kindly sorrow evoked by the suffering, distress, or misfortune of another, often leading one to give relief or aid or to show mercy) - I pity those people who try so hard in life, but are never rewarded for their efforts.
Pride (a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether ascherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.) - I pride myself on being comfortable with deviating from the mainstream.

Rage (a mental state that is one extreme of the intensity spectrum of anger) - When I received my mark for my Visual Arts Body of Work - 28/50. 
Regret (a negative conscious and emotional reaction to personal past acts and behaviors) - I don't have many regrets about events in my life. I slightly regret not taking up a sport when I was younger. It probably would have made my life more interesting.
Remorse (an emotional expression of personal regret felt by a person after he or she has committed an act which they deem to be shameful, hurtful, or violent) - I once removed the wings of a fly, and felt somewhat remorseful after doing it.
Repentance (deep sorrow, compunction, or contrition for a past sin, wrongdoing, or the like) - This emotion is a bit too vague for me. I can't think of any situation in particular. I'll have to skip this one.
Resentment (the experience of a negative emotion felt as a result of a real or imagined wrong done) - I resent people who take the lives of others. Murder is a pathetic act.
Righteous indignation (a reactive emotion of anger over perceived mistreatment, insult, or malice) - When someone keeps doing something to me that is annoying or insulting, and I tell them to stop, but they keep going, I believe that I have the right to be indignant.

Sadness (an emotion characterised by feelings of disadvantage, loss, helplessness, sorrow, and rage) - I am often saddened by things ending. A good movie, a fun day out, a great song, a delicious meal - all of these things end.
Saudade (a feeling of nostalgic longing for something or someone that one was fond of and which is lost) - I often wish that I had a proper family. I miss the days when my parents were together. Sometimes it feels as though my father doesn't exist. I may go as long as two months without making contact with him. Oh, and I miss having grandparents.
Schadenfreude (pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others) - I will admit that I sometimes feel happy when I hear that certain people have failed assessment tasks.
Sehnsucht (a German noun translated as "longing", "yearning" and "craving", or in a wider sense a type of "intensely missing") - This term is almost synonymous with saudade. I won't bother putting something down here.
Self-pity (the psychological state of mind of an individual in perceived adverse situations who has not accepted the situation and does not have the confidence nor ability to cope with it) - All you need to do is read my earlier post: Formspring Trolls + the Notion of Self-pity.

Shame (the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another) - Refer to Guilt. 
Suffering (an individual's basic affective experience of unpleasantness and aversion associated with harm or threat of harm) - My emotions suffered a lot in Year 10 (see my first ever post to find out why). Physically, I've been on a few strenuous bike rides with my friend Alex. My body really felt the full impact of those. 
Surprise (a brief emotional state experienced as the result of an unexpected significant event) - Scoring the equal second highest result across the grade for this year's half-yearly English exam. I achieved 40/45. 
Suspicion (a cognition of mistrust in which a person doubts the honesty of another person or believes another person to be guilty of some type of wrongdoing or crime, but without sure proof) - I never truly believed in Santa Claus, not even as a child. I used to think "Hmm, wouldn't that constitute trespassing?" and "Reindeer cannot fly or operate a sleigh." I guess I've always been a non-conformist.
Sympathy (a social affinity in which one person stands with another person, closely understanding his or her feelings) - I sympathise with anyone who is mocked because they believe in something that deviates from the mainstream.

Weltschmerz (the kind of feeling experienced by someone who understands that physical reality can never satisfy the demands of the mind) - Hmm, I guess this emotion is all about the notion of 'wishful thinking'. I do a lot of that.
Wonder (an emotion comparable to surprise that people feel when perceiving something rare or unexpected) - I wonder what would happen if the whole world stayed in bed for a day.
Worry (thoughts and images of a negative nature in which mental attempts are made to avoid anticipated potential threats) - I often worry about the future, and how I will one day realise what life is really like. Life is easy now, but as we get older, our responsibilities increase. We won't always have parents there to guide us. I worry about getting old - that day I look in the mirror and realise "my appearance has changed."

YES! Finally - it's over. Well...writing this blog was a very interesting experience. It made me thoroughly reflect on my life to date. If you have taken the time to read the whole thing, then I commend you.


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